


My Touring Boy

by Forevernearyou



Series: My _____ Boy [7]
Category: One Direction
Genre: ABDL, Angst, Diapers, Fluff, I am so sorry, I suck at taging, M/M, but you should already know this, daddy!harry, like a little tiny bit, little!louis, mentioned diapers, mentions of nappies, nappies, nappy use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-07-19 01:32:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7339159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forevernearyou/pseuds/Forevernearyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was fine, good even, until is suddenly wasn't. How Harry and Louis plan to fix it, well that's a good question and Louis needs to find an answer before he looses it again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Maybe We Could Try

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello. There are going to be a few chapters to this, I will try and have them up once every other week. I will try my absolute best, and I know that I don't have a good track record in updating frequently. My sincerest apologies.
> 
> I am imagining this happening after a couple months into the beginning of the Where We Are Tour, just so you know where in the time line this happens. I really need to organise these works better. Does anyone know how I can change the order of them without deleting the work? Please let me know if you do. Thank you, thank you.

In the beginning, it was just at home. The nappies were not taken onto the road, the formula was kept to the kitchen and only in their London home, bathtime didn’t continue while in hotels and on the road, wipes never left the second bedroom to the right at the top of their stairs and it was working. It worked for the first month and Louis felt like he could breathe again. It worked and when the stress hit him hard, all he had to do was think about the next time he and Harry could run back to the second room on the right at the top of the stares of their London home. All he had to do was think about the small white squares that were slightly dampened with patterns of butterflies and bumblebees, and as weird as it was, he missed the way Harry had him drink the bottles that tasted like chalk. It didn’t make sense to him and he doesn’t know if it should, but it does. When there are two hours left before the start of the show and he still had to eat and get dressed and sign a stack of three hundred programmes, it helped him to think back.

It helped a lot, until it didn’t. It helped until someone sent him an email telling them there were was an extra meet and greet scheduled for the next afternoon on top of another interview hours before they were due for it. He was supposed to have the afternoon with Harry. They were supposed to go to the pool and swim laps. They were supposed to plan a trip back to their London house the next time they had a four day break between shows, but instead, he had to field questions from prying interviewers that phrase their questions as innocent. The meet and greet he didn’t mind so much, it took a lot of mental energy, but once he was in the swing of it, it was actually a lot of fun. But the interview, the interview was brutal and Louis got a lot of bite from their managers about how he wasn't verbal enough when the interviewer asked him questions directly.

It was just a shit day. A shit day that turned into a sleepless night which lead to a snarky and short-tempered lad the next day, and eventually a stressful evening that brought on a show where he kept missing his cues, and everything was just falling to rubbish. Harry had stayed back a bit because he knew Louis would want space, and when he was ready - and not a moment sooner- he would bring it up. Harry knew he'd only be met with a snappy Louis who would be upset with himself and eager to show that he was not weak, and Harry knows it's best to let Louis come to him when he's in moods like this, and he respects that.

So after licking his wounds in privativacy of his own bunk, Louis made his way to the front lounge where the other boys were playing fifa. Louis surrounded himself with the comfort of Harry’s lilac jumper, melted himself onto the sofa and watched as Niall was beating Harry by an embarrassing amount. While Liam and Zain were intently watching the screen, Louis was granted a few minutes of much craved normalcy before he was noticed by any of the other lads. It was Zain who saw him first, and Louis is thankful he didn't say anything aloud, only a friendly nod and a squeeze on his leg. Harry seems to have become more distracted while playing, though. As if he's noticed the shift in the air, as if Louis' presence is altering something in the atmosphere and Harry knows that he's come out from his bunk. Liam doesn't really notice him until the match is over and he's making his way to the toilet.

"Oh." Liam says, clearly surprised to see him but trying his best to cover it up. "Hey, mate. How long've ya been 'ere?"

"Long enough." It was a cruel thing to say to someone who was trying to be kind and Louis hoped that Liam realise he shouldn't push it, but Louis also knew he didn't deserve that so he added, "I have some teaching to do, don't I?"

He thanks his God above that Liam, dear wonderful and kindhearted Liam, shrugged him off and continued to the toilet after a chuckle and a nod. Louis felt particularly like shit for acting that way towards a mate, towards this friend of all people. Tomorrow he'll consider giving a proper apology for the mood he's been in the past few days.

Harry met his eyes for the first time since they stepped foot on the bus and Louis feels like sobbing. It's too much again, the constant, unrelenting schedule, the expectations of him, the pressure and the coaching and the responsibilities, it's too much and he needs something to change before he punches another brick wall (it wasn't a pretty sight when he did it close to a year ago and he doesn't expect it to be any better now). His head bowed a beat after he met eyes with Harry, he heard someone say something about Skyping someone and saw Zain get up to leave. There was a hand on his shoulder and a squeeze before he continued on to his bunk. A silence ensued and Louis didn't know who was going to break it, but it sure as hell wouldn't be him.

"I would offer ya a cuppa, Lou, but I know you hate the way I brew it, so 'm gonna put the kettle on for you lads. Take the back bedroom tonight, I know that look yer givin’ each other." Louis doesn't know if he's ever been so thankful for Niall's blunt approach to removing himself from rooms. "I know you've got Harry, and not that he's not gonna give you whatever support you need tonight, but 'm 'ere for ya, yeah?" A hand has settled on his shoulder much like Zain’s did and he really, truly did have the most amazing people in his life. "I know you know, mate, I just wanted to remind ya."

"Thanks Ni."

"And as for you," Niall said, turning and pointing a finger in Harry's direction, "ya better take care of this lad, important, he is."

"He is, Ni, the most important. I’ll take the best care of him."

"Goodnight, lads. I'll see you bright in the mornin'."

"Night." Louis answered and Harry echoed.

He heard the tap being turned on, followed by Niall cursing as he tried to light the cooktop, but aside the noise that always seemed to follow Niall, it was silent. At some point, Harry stood and relocated himself to the seat on the sofa beside Louis. At some point, and Louis can assure you he has no idea how when it started or how long it lasted, but at some point, Louis started crying into Harry’s chest. There weren’t any words spoken, and Harry knew that they wouldn’t be for a while. He would hold Louis until the whistle on the kettle blew and then he would make Louis a cuppa and take him into the back room and hold him some more. Talking would happen when Louis had already found a solution to the whatever problem he was having, talking would happen when it needed to happen and not a second before then. Tomorrow might be a long day, filled with two more interviews in the early morning, another sound check that wasn’t necessary but sold tickets at an astronomical price, a meet and greet and then a concert. The only break they were going to get tomorrow would be between would be in cars driving to and from locations and two and a half hours between the interviews and meet and greets, but this was so worth it.

“You stay here, love,” Harry told Louis when the kettle started whistling, “ ‘m gonna make us both a nice cuppa, yeah?”

Louis nodded in agreement, and harry made his way to the small kitchenette they had in the middle of the bus. It wasn’t big and there wasn’t a lot of counter room, but it got the job done when the lads and him were hungry on the road and they couldn’t stop every hour to get food. It was convenient for them, and Harry can’t complain about it. He made the tea strong, the way he knows Louis likes it, and added a dash of milk and the tiniest amount of sugar before stowing the mugs away in the back bedroom and going to collect Lou.

“Hey babe, you wanna move to the bed now? I think I heard Zain hang up his skype and I don’t wanna make him stay huddled up in his bunk if he’s not ready for sleep, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay.” Louis agreed and allowed himself to be helped off the sofa and lead towards the back of the bus, “wanna text me mum, she hasn’t heard from me in a while. That okay?”

“Course it is, baby. You wanna do that and meet me in the back? Or you can bring it with you, whichever you prefer.”

“Erm, I’ll meet you back there? Gotta take a wee too.”

“Okay,” Harry agreed with a soft smile, “your tea’s waiting for you back there, too.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Harry turned and exited the front lounge then, he stopped at his bunk to get his pillow and tell Zain and Liam that they were taking the bedroom tonight, but Liam was already asleep and Zain had his earbuds tucked in and looked so peaceful that Harry would’ve felt guilty for disturbing. He settled on a short text once he got to the back of the bus. A few minutes after he had settled onto the bed, Harry heard the soft clicking of iphone keys just beyond the closed door. Frequent clicks and then silence, followed by the near constant sound that can only be caused by erasing the entire message.

The message Louis was trying to send shouldn’t have been that hard. He was just supposed to say hello to Jay, that he missed her and was hoping all the little ones were doing well. He shouldn’t have had to draft so many, but Jay knew him well enough that she knew when to be worried about him. His mum shouldn’t be worrying about him, he’s too far away for her to do anything about it and she has enough worries with the other ones. He shouldn’t add to that.

_‘Hey mum, hope this finds you well. I miss you loads, hope everyone is doing well! If possible, would love to see the kids soon.’_

No, that would never work, it was too formal.

_‘Mum, been forever since i’ve heard from you, would love to ring you soon, let me know when you can spot me a minute.’_

No, that was too desperate and Jay would pick up in a moment that he wasn’t okay, she was no fool.

‘ _Mummsy,”_

Jay would know instantly, he only uses mummsy when he’s in trouble

_“Hey mum, would tomorrow be a good time to ring you? Been too long, miss the little kiddos. Let me know when works for them, I know everything runs on their schedule. Loads of love, L x.’_

That would be okay, wouldn’t it? No, no, too long. Maybe he should send two individual ones, would that be too much, god only knows at this point.

_‘Hey mum, ring you guys on Skype soon? Been way too long, miss my little sibs!’_

_‘Give me a time that works with their schedules, as much as we hate to admit it, I know they run things out there. Give them my hugs and kisses till we talk, L x.’_

That would be good, it was light enough that his mum wouldn’t worry about him, but it was clear enough that he needed a little piece of home with him here on the road. He didn’t ask for skype calls often - usually he had to carve time out of his schedule so his own sisters wouldn’t his face - but Jay knew that when her son was asking to have a hectic conversation with his six younger siblings and her, well, it was usually arranged in the next couple days.

It took a few minutes before he was ready to be face to face with Harry again. He usually knows what Harry needs before Harry himself does, and he has a strong suspicion that it is the same the other way around; so it's odd, really, when he knows that Harry is walking on eggshells around him, when he thinks Harry already knows the answer to the problem. It's kind of a rule for them, though, if you can’t talk about what you want to do - and talk extensively -, then you can't do it. A kind of a unspoken system that you have to ask for the things you want. And Louis likes it that way. It makes him consider all the possibilities and outcomes before he blindly consents to things - and let's be clear, he doesn't believe in any way, shape or form, or even for one second that Harry would take advantage of him or harm him in any way - but it's good to think about these things by yourself before involving the ideas of another person. It works for them, it allows for there to be mutual discussion, and it doesn't allow room for either party to do anything they aren't ready and willing to do.

Harry is lying on the bed, with a black t-shirt, socks and a pair of lazy shorts on and messing about on his mobile. Louis heard him clicking the lock button as soon as he walked into the room, and Harry placed it gently on the night stand. Louis has no doubt that he’s been scrolling down his personal tumblr and liking an absurd amount of posts. He’s been on a kick lately, bragging about how many followers his blog has, how nobody knows whose it is and that it was all original photography that he’s taken while they’ve been on tour, and Louis is so fucking proud of him. He knows first hand how important it is to feel validated as something other than ‘famous’ or good at something that has nothing to do with their career. Louis follows him, on his own blog that even Harry doesn’t know he has. He’s been on that god forsaken site for a few months and his brain has been equally rotted out and blown away by stupid text posts, and reaction sets to puppies. The point is, it’s crazy, that site, and Louis knows that he told Harry long ago that it was for teens and hipsters, but Harry only raised his nose and scoffed at Louis before posting another photo. But in Harry’s defense, his is, both a teen, and- keep in mind that Louis truly does say this with a fondness in his heart and an affinity in his soul- hipster trash.

“I, erm, thank you. For the tea.”

“Jay say anything back yet?”

  
“Nah, probably not until the morning, it’s like, almost 4:30 her time, she’s already to sleep.” Louis took the outstretched mug of tea and settled into Harry’s resting body. “I know ‘ve been a right prat for a couple of days and you’ve noticed, I know you have, but you haven’t called me out on it and I know you were giving me some time to think. And I haven’t had the best night and I just, thank you. For the tea, for the having Liam to help me on stage, for letting me snap at you for the past two days, for being patient with me when I know it’s not easy for you to just let me stew, for-, just for everything.”

“Hey, we’re all entitled to a couple of rough days. Niall had a solid month once, and I will never fail to remind you of when Liam couldn’t go more than 36 hours without seeing the inside of a gym before he went fucking nutters.”

“But still, thank you.”

“Honestly, Lou, it really wasn’t anything huge.”

“Still, though, I want you to know that I’m thankful, because- Well, let’s be honest, ‘m a bit of a twat a lot of the time and I don’t take the time to tell people what they mean to me a lot of the time, and I just want you to know, okay? I don’t want you to ever think that I take you for granted because I’m a loud, obnoxious, prat for the better part of most ineractions.”

“You’re not a twat, babe. You’re a bit annoying sometimes, but you just want everyone to have a laugh and we all really do respect that, no matter what we tell you the moment after we’ve been doused in the contents of a gatorade bottle.”

“I want it noted, though, that I am thankful for what you’ve been doing for the last couple of days, Christ, since I’ve met you, because I know that it can’t be easy for you.”

“Fine then, it's been noted, love.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you, loads-”

“Loads and loads more than I could ever imagine, I know.”

“Good.”  
  
There was more than a few beats of tense silence. God, Louis wanted to just leave it at that and fall asleep wrapped around Harry, but he couldn’t let things continue on this way. Things had to change, if not tonight, then soon, because he’s going to drive himself to a loony bin if it doesn’t. Five minutes had ticked by before he worked himself up to speak.

“I think, us carrying on the way we have been, I don’t know if it’s gonna- I feel like it’s never- With everything going on, I don’t know how we could, but I’d like to try, maybe?”

Another expanse of silence, and Louis just knew that Harry was devising a way to let him down gently.

“Lou, honey, you’re gonna ‘ave to give me a bit more. I know you’re workin on this and I don’t want you to feel that “m trying to rush you, but, babe, I really got nothing from that.”

“You didn’t,” Louis laughs, “I don’t think I did either.”

“I want you to tell me when you’re ready, baby, it doesn’t have to be tonight. We can lay here and talk about the city or we can cuddle here until our tea’s gone cold and fall asleep.”

“No, I don’t wanna not talk about it. I don’t know, I know that it won’t happen overnight, but, maybe we could start talking about it? Look, I just, I can’t keep on like this, I thought I could, I really, really did. I thought I could do with the every couple months, I thought I could, god, this isn’t making sense, is it?”

“Baby, you know how this works, you’ve got to be specific. I don’t want to assume and I don’t want to be talking about different things. What do you mean by ‘it’?”

“The, erm, the aging down thing. The you taking care of me, of everything for me. It’s too much, I can’t be in charge of everything all the time again. I’m sorry, I thought I was better, I thought I could handle it all, but I can’t.”

“So you want to take being little on the road with us? Is that what you’re saying?” Harry pointedly ignored the expression of not being ‘strong’ enough to deal with things, he would address it later. When they had less clothes on and he could point out every fucking thing that Louis’d done in past few years. He would show him just how much he was capable of.

“I mean, I just can’t do this for a few days once in a blue moon and keep having people pile things on top of me until I crack and break again like I did last time. It’s just too much and I know better than to make myself go through that again..”

“Okay, so, we could do a couple of different things. I want, fuck, this is going to be corny as hell, but I want to do good by you, Lou. I want to find what works for us both, but I don’t want us to rush into anything because you’ve had a bad couple days, okay?”

“This isn’t because ‘ve had a few bad days, H, it’s because I don’t want to keep on like this. We haven’t been to the London house in what, three almost four months? And when we were there it was for thirty six hours. I was in a nappy for what, ten hours? before I had to put away Bonbon and my blanket? I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“Baby, ‘m not saying that we have to stick to what we’ve been doing, we both knew things might have to be changed while we’re on the road, and that’s fine with me, I was only saying that we can’t do it overnight.”

“I just told you I understood that it wouldn’t change overnight and if you don’t want to have this conversation then bloody fucking tell me because I will not sit here and pour out my hopes for where we take this if you’re not even a little bit interested.”

Harry stilled, Louis must’ve really wanted this if he was already so worked up about it. “Louis, that’s not what ‘m sayin’. If you need things to change, then things will. I don’t want you to be dreading work, Lou, this is supposed to be our dream jobs. I want to do this if you do.”

“Then why aren’t you paying any bloody attention?”

“Lou, c’mon”

“Don’t ‘Lou c’mon’ me. As much as I’d like to be, ‘m not little.”

“I said that I didn’t want to rush into something tonight and you’re saying that I’m not listening to you. I heard when you said that you didn’t expect anything to change tonight, but I just want to make sure you’re thinking about everything that would go with it. You’ve never even been little in front of the other boys, how far are you planning on going, how would that even work on show days, how often are you thinking that you’re going down, how is that gonna work on our off days, are we still strictly staying in the entire time, we won’t be able to bring the entirety of supplies with us in the beginning and there’s no way we can get shipments and god forbid one of us went to get it. Who’s gonna be a runner for stuff like that, honey?”

“I- I don’t, H, I told you I wanted to start talking about it, I didn’t say I have all the answers to it. God, it’s like you’ve been thinking about this for weeks, why didn’t you say summat?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for the last three days, if I’m being honest, Lou. I didn’t say anything because it’s not me that needed to bring this up. What if you’d never said anything about, then me bringing it up could be interpreted as me wanting you to do this for me.” Louis drew in a breath, but Harry was swift to start speaking again before even a sound was pulled from Louis’ mouth, “And let me be clear, the best way to describe my feelings towards this are a reflection of your own. If you want to this, I will do anything you need me to do for you, but there’s no way in hell that I’d force you to do this on the road if you didn’t want any of the other lads to see you or you were afraid of a few select people on the staff knowing about it.”

“Maybe I need to do a little more thinking.” Louis said after the tension had settled. “You’re obviously more prepared than I am for this.”

  
“Hey,” Harry said, and Louis thinks he may just melt into his boyfriend because of the slow, careful draw in his voice, “if you want to talk about this a bit tonight and a bit tomorrow and a bit the next day, then that’s fine. I want to talk about it, I really really do, but us talking can’t turn into us yelling at half one in the morning and waking the entire bus, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

 


	2. Dinner and a Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis go about planning to take their age play on the road and seek the other lads blessing for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. Two weeks turned into three, which turned into four, which somehow made it to five, and seven days went by and suddenly it's been six entire weeks since I've updated this. I have nothing else to say other than I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

The days were long and frustrating as the pair discussed how to make everything a reality, but those days were better than the ones Louis had spent feeling miserable on tour. He felt like he could finally breathe again. Relief was coming. And he knew the relief would come in waves and be a slow process, but at least he and Harry were moving ahead with things. They talked about it, about everything. About the logistics of it all, who would have to know, what could be asked for without having to explain anything (wipes, for example. Everyone on the road has them, people run out left and right to get them.) the things that couldn't: the rash cream, the nappies, obviously, and the like. Their monthly shipments of nappies would continue to be shipped to their London home with someone - Harry or Louis - flying back once a month to bring them back onto the tour. That way they'd only have to carry 200 at a time with them, instead of the entire 9 month supply. They'll have a tube of cream sent with each month, if they use it all, then fine, if they don't then they'll have extra in case they need it. A runner would go and pick up the formula they used, after all it was just a meal replacement powder and could easily be explained away. It took them weeks and weeks to figure it all out, and every time they thought they had it together, a few more things would pop up that needed to be addressed.

They were done until the realised just how much packing space even a month's supply of nappies would take up. Then they were ready until they realised they were going to need to dispose of the nappies somehow (it turns out, that was one of the hardest things to arrange. Thankfully, fabreze and rubbish shoots are a thing). They were sorted until they needed a back up plan for an emergency doctor, but it turns out Dr. Adam has an active passport and wouldn't mind taking a few unexpected trips if need be. They finally did it, though, they worked everything through schedules and they had all their ducks in a row, the only thing that stood in their way was talking to the right people and making sure this could be a reality.

They're going to tell Paul, the other lads, and maybe one other security personnel. It's going to be awkward as hell and Louis is truly dreading each of these conversations, but he knows - and Harry knows - that they need to happen. They can't expect to tell nobody, because H can only imagine the shit they'd get if they found out any other way and Louis' had a few nightmares about the paps somehow getting to this and Paul and Preston walking out on them because they'd hid a major part of their lives, even when it affected their jobs. It was only a dream, but still, they'd need to be in on it as well. Everything's going to be okay, though, (or maybe it won't, but Louis wants to stay positive right now), because they do trust the people they decided to tell whole-heartedly.

xXx

The entire meeting with Paul was a mess from start to finish. It was completely obvious from the beginning that everyone in the room was nervous. Louis had trouble meeting his eyes, Harry was uncharacteristically quiet and Paul kept scraping his hands against his jeans. Louis' not ashamed of this part of his life, he's really not, but that doesn't mean he wants to broadcast this to everyone. And it's hard, to gauge how a person will react to that kind of news, or what they will say. Louis wanted to start building walls, but he needs to let this happen today, and he knows it.

"It's erm, it's nothing bad, Paul." Louis started with.

"The last time I was called in like this I was told that you might be needing to hire a new security company because half of your detail had quit due to you lads being, and I quote: 'too fucking much'. You called me in to headquarters and Lou, you wouldn't look me in the eye then. Something is up. Who's out?" He had tried to joke, but there was an underlying sense of concern that couldn't be covered up.

"No one is out, mate, not that we know of. It's just, there's some information that you would probably like to know before we begin the next leg of the tour? Maybe. It's a bit personal, and it absolutely cannot get out, but I figure that you should know. You'd be upset if you were blind sided by this and we'd like to make your life easier, for once." Harry answered

"Oh, something serious then?"

"Yeah, a bit." Louis, this time, and he knew it was up to him to tell Paul. He and H had talked about it the night before. Louis was going to be the one to tell Paul and the other lads. It had to be him, because Louis knows if anything went south, he would blame Harry for it. If Louis is the one who tells them and he is the one who decides how much detail everyone gets into this part of his life, than he won't be able to put any of the blame on Harry. "It's just- it went a bit to shit for me last year and we've fixed it, but the way we've gone about it is different? It is just not something that most people do and taking it on the road with us has taken a lot of planning, but it's something that needs to be done. I know we try and keep it professional, but this concerns the way you do your job and I hope that we're not overstepping those bounds when I tell you this." He thought of the most vague and non-descriptive answer that can be given for telling someone you're a little, "I de-stress by having H make decisions for me, by having him take care of me. I will spare you the details of everything exactly, but there will be things brought on tour with us and they absolutely can not get into the wrong hands, there would be nothing that could save us if they did."

"From a logistical standpoint, we'll have it covered. You lads bring hundreds of pieces of luggage with you on tour, what's an extra few? Bright bags so their easily counted, carry them on for flights, bring them into the rooms for hotel nights, additional NDAs for the employees."

"That's, that's it?"

"Yeah?" Paul answered, puzzled. "I appreciate you letting me know a few weeks in advanced. It's nice, to have a bit of time to prepare for this."

"We don't get a lecture from you?"

"Lads, the only lectures I've ever given you have come fully scripted from higher up. I give a shit about your safety and I give a shit that you lads are okay, like mentally and all, but not when you're behaving yourselves and being responsible. How you do it and why you do what you do is up to you. You don't have to give details if you don't want and I'm not gonna ask you for them. You're fine by my account. I'll fill in the higher ups vaguely with this one, I imagine you wouldn't fancy having that conversation yourselves?"

"You're really bloody serious, mate? That's all you have to say for this? No questions about what's gonna be in the bags, nothing?" Louis was honestly shocked, Harry wasn't too far behind.

"You're right. Are you carting drugs around the world?" He paused and Lou blushed red, but gave a shake of his head, "Are you trafficking guns or ammunition to sell to arms dealers supplying against The British Armed Forces?"

This one got a scandalised "No!" from Harry.

"Okay then, you lads are bringing some extra things on this leg. Put a luggage lock on and keep the key for yourselves. Keep in mind that it'll be X-Rayed, but that's about it, I'll add six extra bags to the essentials log, lets say, and you let me know what brand and colour they are and then this is all sorted."

Louis couldn't believe it when they parted ways. There is no way in hell that was supposed to go that well. He figured a trip to emergency may have been in order after they came from their little chat, not celebratory ice cream and setting up a date with the other lads to ask them their blessings. Though, it wouldn't be the same. Not with the lads because there'll have to be a lot more information given, a lot more details because Louis refused to force this onto them.

xXx

So he made it a big thing in order to distract himself from what it really is. He's giving Harry no choice but to make a proper roast for the occasion. He's bought wine, the fancy kind he knows Liam likes and the not so fancy kind he knows Niall likes, he's cleaned the house twice over and he worries the lads almost daily about the time they're set to arrive. It's adorable, Harry would say as he watches Lou run around everywhere, and he knows it's because Louis' so nervous, but he'll be fine, there's no way he won't be.

The day of he's a mess. A complete and total mess. His alarm is set for six and he leaves a little before seven to the shops to get fresh ingredients for Harry to prepare the food. H had made a joke the night before, said everything had to be organic and Lou was in a freight that not everything would be available. He went to three speciality shops that morning and came home at half 9. He sent Harry into the kitchen and went about texting people for the second day in a row to confirm: half six at his and Harry's London home (it's not that he needed to worry they would think it'd be their northern home or their LA flat or anything else, it's that he's a worrier and he wouldn't want Niall to get on a flight to LA or summat and have to do this all over again, that's all) and tried to be as polite as possible when telling them not to bring a plus one. Pez was insulted, apparently, but she would be over it if Zain brought home a plate for her, Louis assured them it would happen.

The lounge was hoovered for the third time that day when Harry finally sent Lou out to get the cake at two. Though the former baker in Harry was mortified, he's decided a cake from Sainsbury's is going to be good enough. He'll ruck up the frosting a bit to make it look home made and call it a day, that's all he really has time for. Louis came back a little after three because he saw a florist shoppe on the way home and decided their entry corridor needed something cheerful and happy to welcome their guests. Harry wanted to roll his eyes, but instead he smiled dutifully and said 'they're wonderful, love' because he knew how big a deal it was for Louis and he wanted to be supportive and make it as easy as he possibly could for his partner. By four, Harry's done in the kitchen for a bit. The roast needs time to roast, the potatoes needed to simmer for another hour and a half before they can be turned into mash and he wanted to take a nap. So he pulled Louis into the lounge and onto the sofa and cuddled him with no room for escape.

"Harry, come on, we don't have time for this." Louis said with a huff.

"Yeah we do, Lou. Come on, kip with me for a bit. Snuggle up to me and keep me warm. We've been up for ages, I am knackered."

"It's been," he paused to look at his watch, "10 hours, Haz."

"Yes, dearest, 10 hours and all I've done is slave over a hot stove for you. Let me take a little snooze. A nap is what I ask for. 45 minutes and a cup of tea afterwards, is all I want."

"Fine, but I'm setting an alarm," Louis was stern.

"Thank you," Harry agreed, fitting his head down on a pillow and pulling Louis' down to rest just above his heart. "Everything's going to be fine, love. And if it's not, then we'll find something that works. I promise." He said after noticing just how hard of a time Louis was having to settle down.

"I'm scared."

"I know, but the lads- they're not awful people. They won't ever make fun of you about this, even if we decide it's best to keep this at home. We're going to figure this out, and nobody is going to say anything mean to you, I'll make sure of it. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay." Harry sighed, pulling Lou closer and pecking a kiss on the top of his head. "Now, let's kip for a bit. You set your alarm? I need to pull the roast out in an hour." He felt the nod of Lou's head against his chest and drifted off soon after that.

Harry slept while Lou closed his eyes and tried to rest. He couldn't sleep, but the least he could do is lay quietly and listen to the steady thrum-thum, thrum-thum of Harry's heart and allow H to get a full forty-five minutes of blessed sleep.

When his alarm went off he pulled himself up to put a kettle on before going back and gently shaking H awake. He was still tired, but Lou did give him exactly what he asked for, and the pleading in his voice was enough to get Harry off the sofa and into the kitchen for tea. They pulled out leftover take away from the night before to go with their tea and took a seat at the table.

"So I bought the wine a few days ago, but I didn't know what kind of beer I should get. I mean, you have your porters and there's a few IPAs in there, but should I run out and get more?"

"Nah, just tell Nialler what you have. If he wants something else, he'll bring it himself. Tell 'em you've got the wine he likes, too and he'll probably be okay."

"But maybe I should just run out to the shoppes and get some sort of beer that I know he likes?"

"No, you're not leaving this house again or you'll come back with a damned puppy to soften the lads up before you tell them." Louis' face fell immediately and honestly, Harry should've known better than to make a joke like that today. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean- I just meant, like, you know Niall, he doesn't care much as long as he's drinking. I shouldn't have said that, you're trying really hard to make this go smoothly."

"No it's fine, I should relax."

"It's not fine, you're trying to make sure everybody's happy and I'm being a dick. You should text Niall, or go back out to the shoppes, get him whatever he likes."

"You don't need any help in the kitchen or anythin', do ya?"

"Got it all under control. The roast'll come out in ten minutes, and then needs to rest for a bit. Everything else is just heating up on the cook top."

"Maybe I should just tidy up a bit more. Do you think I should clean up my little room in case they want to see? Is that okay?"

"Babe, I don't- Is that okay with you?" Harry paused, trying to read the man sitting across from him. "I don't think they'll ask to see your room, 'm sure they have no idea it's even there."

"But what if they ask? You're telling me to lie?"

"No, no. I'm saying they probably won't, and if they do, you're under no obligation to show them if you don't want to. It's plenty fine with me if they'd like to see, or if you want to show them, but I want you to be sure it's okay with you too."

"I mean, if they ask, then yeah, I'll probably show them. What if they want to know how I'll be dressing or summat like that?" He sounded indifferent, but Harry knew. Knew that Louis was caring a lot on the inside.

"Yeah, sure. If you want to be ready to show them if they ask, I don't mind. Go on, clean until your heart is content, love."

"Don't patronise me right now, Harry, please."

"'M not tryin' to babe. Clean or don't clean, go out and buy Ni's beer or don't, genuinely. You should do whatever would put you at ease most. I'm sorry it seems like 'm bein' a dick about it all, I don't mean to be."

Louis sips at his tea for a few minutes, seemingly thinking about his options. Harry can hear the clock ticking by in the lounge and he knows he needs to get up and turn the oven off, but he'd feel even worse if he left Louis sitting alone at their table after he said that. The roast may be a few minutes over done and if anyone complains about it, he will kindly tell them to eat his arse. He hopes Louis'll take the mick on that one and not take it to heart.

"I'm going to take a shower, I think. Kill forty five minutes, calm me down a bit. And then it'll give you a bit of time to get ready when 'm done. Can't have them showing up with you in a dirty shirt and joggers from the kitchen."

"I like the sound of that. You could lay something out for me, if you'd like? Left to my own devices I don't know what I'd end up in." He wanted to give Lou an opportunity to be in control of something, he hoped it would help something.

"Quite tragic, that." Lou laughed as he stood up, "I'll lay something on the bed for you, feel free to change it if you want. I won't be offended."

Lou was right, before he knew it there was a whole 50 minutes worth of water circling their shower drain and he felt at least ten stone lighter. His hair was dripping as he found a pair of pants and jeans to slip into before going back to the loo to trim his beard just a bit. He was deciding between a tattered Pink Floyd shirt that's Harry's or a button down when Harry came into their walk-in wardrobe.

"Hey, babe. So the roast is fine on the counter and the beens on the stove need to come off in 15 minutes when the timer goes. The mash is sitting in hot water in its serving dish to stay warm, just leave it be. Oh, and the bread is in the oven, just don't turn off the heat and they'll be fine. Think you can handle it?"

"Yeah. Just, which shirt?" Lou asked

"Both are fine. Though I'm quite partial to one, seeing as it's mine."

"Okay, but we're talking about me right now, love. Button down or holey t?"

"Button down says formal, t-shirt with holes in it suggests more relaxed. You pick and I'll follow your lead."

"You're not being very helpful, y'know."

"I've got no clue what you're on about," Harry mused, "the lads will be here in forty five minutes, though, and I've got to shower."

"Fine, fine. Go, and I'll lay clothes out for you."

Harry exited to the ensuite after that, and Louis decided the t-shirt would be best. He knows the only one who might possibly turn up proper dappered is Liam, and he knows he'd rather be comfortable tonight. He lays out a pair of black skinny jeans for Harry and a Hawaiian button-up shirt that has about the same colours that Louis' does - ya know, enough to that it's coordinated without being too matchey matchey - on the bed next to a pair of pants.

He'd just turned off the cook top and was putting the beans into a serving bowl when someone wrapped at his door and Louis thinks for a moment he's going to be sick. He swallowed it down, though, ran a shaky hand through his hair on his way down the corridor, and was ready to open the door. It was Zain, of course it's fucking Zain. He's the only 20 something that Louis knew that is always early. The bell rang impatiently and Louis didn't feel bad when he stole another minute to calm himself.

"Hey, mate, you alright?" Lou asked as he opened the door.

"Yeah, fine. You?"

"Be better if you'd stop showing up early to things." He said with a laugh, pulling the door open further and inviting the man in with a hug.

"Just thought I'd drop in early. I know you are never on time with anything, thought I'd help out."

"I'll have you know I am always prepared on time. And I had H do the cooking and the like, so it will be done on time."

"Blessed man, Harry is. Do you want me to do anything, or do I just get a leg up on drinking tonight?"

"There's not a lot here to drink, mate, just some wine and a few beers."

"Well any head start on Nialler is a leg up for me." Louis took a moment to nod in appreciation, because the lad was not wrong. "So, do you need anythin' or am I just here to drink?"

"Go on and set the table then, H should be down in ten to finish up in the kitchen."

"And what're you gonna do?"

"Mate, you should know this by now. Supervise."

Zain hummed out a laugh and nodded as they walked to the kitchen together. Louis passed over the plates wordlessly, then gathered the utensils and took them to the table himself. He slipped upstairs then, to steal yet another moment to himself and then a moment to tell Harry someone else was in their home. It's not like he wasn't expecting company soon, but at least he would have warning of the early bird. After a quick thanks and an even quicker kiss, he sent Lou back to attend the bread in the oven, to make sure nothing burnt.

He made his way back down and suffered through a bit of awkward small talk with Zain before he determined they were being complete knobs. There was no reason he couldn't still treat this as a lad's night. Just because there weren't copious amounts of alcohol involved and there was a roast instead of take away didn't mean it was any different. Okay, so it was going to be different tonight, but there's no reason to treat it differently right now.

Harry emerged but ten minutes later, freshly showered and dawned with the outfit Lou had laid on their bed, when the pair were deep into an animated conversation about the pros and cons having shades on the windows verses curtains. For a moment, harry briefly thinks this is the most mature conversation he's ever heard fall from his boyfriend's lips. He hates to interrupt, he really does, but his potatoes will start to cook more instead of just heat up on the stove and he's afraid that his bread might start to burn if he lets it go for much longer at the high temperature, he needs to turn it down.

So he interrupts, though he will remember to circle back to what seems to be a very important subject to Louis, later. "Zain, lad, good to see you! You alright?"

"Yeah, mate, can't complain. Yourself?"

"Good, yeah. And the Mrs.'?"

"Gutted to not be here, she knows your roast is to die for."

"Ahh, I'll pull her plate out before anyone gets anythin', make sure she gets a proper take away out of it."

"Thanks, mate, she'll be happy for it."

Things took off from there, the other two came scattered. Liam first and eventually Niall, and wine was poured for everyone. Niall complained marginally about the lack of real alcohol, but he was assured it was going to be a laid back night, no need to get pissed. The dinner rolls were done around an hour after everyone had arrived. 'Fucking finally' Niall said when Harry announced it and had everyone move to the dining room, he got a slap on the neck from Louis and a flick to the ear from Liam.

There was speak of the upcoming leg of the tour, and spirited debates of whose footie club was going to win, who was traded and who got promotions, and current events were discussed. Harry was talking to Niall about golf for a while before they jumped into the discussion of the finer points of day time telly in America that was happening.

The conversation was good as they ate and for just a moment, Louis was relaxed. He was enjoying himself and not petrified about the reason his closest mates were together right now. He didn't have to think what he was eventually going to have to say. When H cleared the plates in preparation for dessert, though, he received a pointed look and he knew Harry was getting restless. He should probably do this over cake and tea, or maybe he could wait until after that, when they're all sitting round and drinking wine. He doesn't think H wouldn't approve of that, though, that'd be everyone's third glass and let's be honest, when Lou poured the glasses he was nearer to two units per a glass than one. He'll do this once they've gotten their cakes.

Lou excused himself to the kitchen then, asked who wanted coffee and who preferred tea with their cake, but he wasn't actually paying any attention. H had the kettle on when he got to the kitchen and Lou wordlessly started pulling mugs from the cabinet. He'll have to go back with both or send Harry back out there to ask, but he needs Harry to tell him that he can do this.

"You're nervous." Harry spoke lowly, so no one could hear if they were on the way to the loo, "it's gonna be okay."

"Tell them for me."

"Lou, we've talked about this."

"I won't blame you if this goes sideways, I swear. Please, H."

"No, babe." Harry said adamantly. "I'm not trying an be an arse about it, but you have to do it. I'll be by your side and I'll field some questions for you, I'll help, but this is something that you said needed to happen, and I'm not letting you go back on that now. I love you, and I know this is hard for you, but this isn't something I can do for you."

"I promise promise promise, please do this for me."

"Lou, babe, if you don't want to tell them, you don't have to, and we'll figure something out from here, but I can't tell them for you. Just go out there and do it, don't apologise for anything, don't be intimidated by them. Whatever happens, nothing between you and I is going to change, yeah?"

"I want to say that I hate you or summat right now, but I bloody can't." It was supposed to be a joke, but Louis knows by the way his voice betrayed him it didn't come off that way.

"I love you, Louis," Harry said, pulling him in for a hug and kissing his forehead, "no matter what, I love you. Loads and loads more than you can ever imagine."

"And I you, loads and loads more than you can ever dream."

If he never had to move, Louis wouldn't be upset; however, he did. He needed to put five mugs on a tray along with cream and sugar, and bring them to the lads. He needed Harry to follow him with the French press and the kettle with bags of tea into the dining room. It took him five minutes to do, but eventually he did.

It took another ten minutes to decide to broach the idea of beginning this conversation and another seven before Louis built up the courage to do so, but seventeen minutes into dessert, there was an almost silent 'so' he spoke. Harry cleared his throat and everyone's attention was gathered quickly.

"There's, ah, there's a reason we had you lot over for dinner tonight." Louis spoke first, only after it was apparent Harry was not.

"Fucking finally," Niall started. "This better be good if it's the reason I didn't get to drink tonight."

"Ni," Harry scolded.

"What, mate? It's true!"

"Ni, shut it and listen to 'im, will ya?" Zain quipped, swatting at the back of his head.

"My apologies," Niall turned to Lou with a nod, "go on, lad."

“It’s just, ya know the end of the last tour when I was going a bit mad? And I couldn’t sleep and I was yellin’ at everybody all the time and nothing short of someone scolding me and sending me to sit in the dressing room would calm me down?” the three lads nodded, thinking back to those previous months that were hard on all of them, “Well, H and I found something and got me sorted. And I know it’s a bit strange and odd and not many people would turn to something this extreme, but we did and it really works for us. And ‘m not sayin’ you have to agree with it, but I’m asking that you respect it, because it works for us, it works for me, and nobody wants me to go back to how I was the last time, I assure you. So, I guess I’m just gonna come out with it. And I understand if you have any questions or hesitations, just- I guess, just please be nice to me about it?”

“Lou,” Niall spoke in the near silence, Louis picking at his nails the only other sound in the room, “we love you, mate. And I don’t care what you’re about to say, we all have things that work for us. If you want to share, then go for it. This is obviously a big deal for you, because I know that H brought out the big guns with the roast and all. I'm sorry for trying to make a joke about this, Lou. Whatever you're qabout to tell us, you’re fine here, we all love you, nobody is going to be mean to you.”

“I’m a little.”

And since Louis falls on the dramatic side of the scale, he will go ahead and say the silence that followed was absolutely deafening. The three lads were staring at Louis, trying to grasp the concept of what exactly a little is, he imagined.

“I am a little. I use a fucking nappy and I go to bed early and I take a nap and H feeds me bottles, and all the like. I pretend to be a baby - two and a half to be specific.” Lou explained and then looked to Harry and cowered with fear.

Harry smiled kindly at him, took the shaking hands into his own and continued for Lou. “We are not asking you to be involved in this - though if you want, we’re not discouraging it -, and we don’t want to inconvenience you lads while we're on the road, but it’s becoming more and more apparent to Lou and I that he needs it more than when we come home. We want to know if it’s okay with you lads if he’s little on the bus sometimes and during a few of our off days, basically.”

No one made a sound, no one moved a centimetre, no one breathed. Louis would swear that his heart could be heard beating wildly in his chest, but Harry would tell him later that it was just a desperate silence. He felt like he would explode, that in this moment, right here, right now, it would be the end of this band. That his confession would be the catalyst that brought the five of them to the ground and dug them a hole ten feet deep. This was it, his friendship with the three of them would be over, he would be the reason. It'd be him, his fault.

“Somebody bloody say something, please.” Louis begged.

Liam, god bless him, was the first to speak, “I, erm, I guess I just want to piece this together before I say anything because I don’t want ta come off as unsupportive, but I’m just a little bit confused, here.” he paused, gauging the four other faces that were displayed around the table.

“Mate, what’re you confused about,” Niall asked, “you smoke those fuckin’ death sticks and fuck Sophia’s brains out to relieve your stress, he’s saying he likes to do colouring books and take naps.”

“No, I understand what he’s sayin’, Ni, I just don’t understand why they’re telling us.”

“Payno, we’re you paying attention at all here?” Zain pipped in, “They’re telling us because they want to bring it on the road with them and this isn’t something that you can just expect your bandmates to go along with without telling them first. Think for a moment, Li.”

“We’re not asking you to, like, help with it, really. I’m not asking you to change my nappy or anythin’, I’m just saying. It’s like, I have rules. I'm not allowed to smoke when ‘m little, or curse or be overly sassy, and there’s no violent video games. I have a bed time, and I use a bottle, every now and then I get corner time or spankings or things taken away when I don’t follow the rules. I’m still me, just a younger, more dependent version of myself. I’m just asking if that’s okay with you lot, because it’s not the most orthodox thing, and as much as I want this, we’re all on the same bus and it’s not fair of me to push this on anybody who isn’t okay with it. All we’re asking is that you know that if I call H ‘Daddy’, it’s not a sex thing, and that this thing we do isn’t about humiliating me, it’s about me not having to make decisions. And I cry a bit more than usual, and I’m cuddly and I literally have the mental mindset of a two and a half year old. I want you to know that before you say yes or no. I want you to ask questions if you have them, and God I don't want you to, but you should say no if this makes you uncomfortable.”

“Well, I for one,” Niall said triumphantly, “am completely in. Anything you want, you let me know. I’ll kick your arse in mario kart any day, and fifa, too. Fifa is still good, yeah?”

“Yeah, mate, fifa is good.” Harry answered with a smile.

“Well then, as long as I can still drink and curse, it’s fine with me.”

There was a weight that was lifted immediately. It was, however, slammed back on him just a moment later, when he realised there were still two more people involved in the decision. And not for nothing, but Louis thinks the two of them are going to be the hardest to convince, it took Zain the longest to come around when the couple had told them they were, in fact, a couple. The weight was only gone for a few seconds.

“You said we can ask questions?” Liam asked hesitantly,

“Yes, yes of course. Please do.” Harry encouraged.

“I'm just confused, I don't understand how the hell actually using a nappy would make you less pissed off at the world?”

“Liam,” Zain started.

“No, no it’s okay.” Louis interceded, “Erm, I found the whole thing about a week after the last tour ended and we tried it and it worked, I guess. I don't know how to tell you exactly, but it's about not making any decisions, it's about someone caring for me. I know it may not make sense to you, but ‘ve felt better on this tour, loads and loads better. I’m less of a prat all the time, and I am more agreeable. It’s easier for me to deal with and I’d hope that it’s toned me down a bit from the last tour, like in a way that you lads have noticed. And god, Liam, I know you probably think I am the most disgusting person for saying this, but I need it, I really really do.”

“Louis, I have never thought you were disgusting. How the fuck did you think I got that? No, absolutely not! I don’t know what to say or how to say it, but no, it’s not disgusting. It’s brave of you to tell us such a personal thing, and it’s fine with me, absolutely, perfectly fine with me if you want to bring this on the road with us, but, it just came as a bit of a shock and I’m intrigued and a bit curious about this all.”

“Could we, I don’t know, like be around you for a bit when you’re- erm, what is it? You called it being little?" A nod from both Louis and H came at the pause and then Zain continued. "Can we be around you when you're little before we take it on the bus? Just so we know what to expect?” that sounded like a yes, with strings attached, but a yes. Louis’ face sunk and his mouth dried out at the words were spoken.

“If that’s something you lot are interested in and Lou is on board, then yeah. That’s something that can be arranged.” Harry answered.

“This isn’t some sort of sex thing you lads are trying to take out of the bedroom?” Zain was never one for beating around the bush.

“Do we have sex while he is little? Yeah, we do, but it's got nothing to do with it. Like, this doesn’t carry over into bed and bed doesn’t carry over into this. Surprisingly enough, neither of us are into the daddy thing while we’re in bed.”

“And you do this because you want to, Lou? There isn’t anything that you don’t like about this?”

“No, Zain, really. This is like, a proper thing. No one is forced to do anything they don’t want to. There’re safe words and everythin’. We have a few friends that we made through the interweb at the beginning of all of this who helped us get started and they give us advice and suggestions still. This really is something that’s good for me.”

"And this isn't something that's being pushed on to you, H?"

"No, honestly, mate, this is a good thing for everyone involved. When we're on a break, he's little for two weeks and then he's big for two weeks. We rotate so we each get a break from it. But it's something that we do because I love taking care of him as much as he likes being taken care of. It helps us both."

“That’s fine with me, then. I just- this is a bit outta left field and I know that it’s okay with me, but I don’t really know much more beyond that. I really, truly do appreciate you lads coming to us first and I’m sure I’ll be more comfortable with it once it’s something that actually happens and isn’t just a concept. But like, I guess I’m sure I'll come around more once it’s not so new, but, just remember there’s going to be a learning curve at the beginning, for all of us.”

“But, like, that’s a yes?” Louis asked, making sure to reserve his happiness until there was a definite, clear answer.

“It’s a yes.” Zain nodded.

“And, Liam, you’re on board with this too?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m on board too.” he sounded a bit too hesitant and Louis waited for the ‘but’ statement he was afraid that was sure to follow, “I just- I would really like it if we could get together before we’re back on the bus. Like what Zain suggested.”

“I agree with you, Li.” Harry said, soothing a hand down Lou’s back and fitting a hand on his hip. “I think that will be good for you lot to get to know where Louis’ boundaries are, and I think it would be good for Lou to get a feel for you when he’s little. It won’t be anything big, just a lad’s night in, we'll probably an afternoon, but yeah. Just pizza and video games.”

“I’m in, then.”

That was it, then. Liam said he was in, Niall said he was in, and Zain said he was in. There'll have to be some more things arranged and a few final wheels to put into motion, but that was it, they all said it was okay. This was happening, and all Louis wants is for them to go home so he can kip in Harry's arms tonight (okay so maybe he also wants to snog him a bit and do other things, but that's not any of anybody's concern).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reads, the comments and kudos if you liked it! If it's absolute shite, please tell me and I'll do my best to fix it.


	3. Lads Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys come over to meet little Louis for the first time. Tempers flair and for the first time, Harry's doubts about this actually happening are well warranted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a piece of shit at updating, I know I am and I'm really sorry about that. Anyways, here it is. The usual stuff applies, thank you in advanced for all your support.

The next time everyone was free was a week later on Friday, and with the five of them departing the following Tuesday, everything is cutting a little too close for Louis’ comfort. He’d like more than a few days to compose himself mentally if any of the other lads decided they didn't want to be around it on the road once they actually spent some time with him. He understands, though, that it’s hard to find time to get together when they’re all off and bumming off to their respective homes when they have a bit of free time. So it was arranged for them all to meet the next Friday mid afternoon and into the evening. Harry would order a few pizzas and they would all drink a few beers, sans Louis of course, and absolutely crush each other in fifa like the proper 19 and 20 year olds that they are.

There were days of constant text messages between the five of them, Harry having granted Louis his mobile in exchange for his own piece of mind during the period. They were reminded over and over again, the date, time, and location - again for peace of mind more than anything. Harry was adamant that Lou shouldn't worry about every detail surrounding this. He shouldn’t have that kind of responsibility, he argued, it’s not fair.

Harry refused to let his boy be worried the day of. He simply talked about any and everything else when Louis started on it, and eventually told Lou he wasn’t allowed to be concerned about the lads until after nap. It worked through lunch, until Harry pulled the little into the oversized rocking chair and grabbed a story to read him before he was set to go down for his nap. Louis wanted to know what part of the house he was cleaning, what kind of snack Harry had been planning and what he was going to wear with the other lads around. Harry had finally levied a short, ‘Enough, Louis. We are reading your story and then nap. Understood?’ and Louis was quick to retreat on the subject.

And once he put Lou down for his nap that day, Harry texted all the lads and told them to come a few hours earlier. Louis wouldn’t have as much time to stress out that way, with them coming earlier, and Louis wouldn’t have an audience around bedtime. Harry hopes the little will be grateful for that when he's done being upset over the new time-table planned for the evening.

Harry had the monitor on the ottoman, a black and white screen display showing the live feed of Lou sleeping peacefully on his cot once he was done cleaning and pulling out a snack for the afternoon. Harry scrolled through tumblr in an effort to waste time before the other three showed up. He sent them all a text, telling them to walk right in when they got there, explaining that a bell would wake Lou from his nap and the simple fact there was no reason for them knocking - they’re family anyways. Zain, for once, was not the first one to show up, surprisingly, it was Niall. The one who hasn’t been on time to an important meeting for the last eight months, the one who can never set his alarm with the proper amount of time he needs to get ready, Niall. Though, to his credit, he does always seem to have himself together when things are important to him.

It was quite funny for Harry to watch as Niall came in. He wrapped ever so quietly on the door before opening it and toeing off his shoes and silently padding into the lounge to find Harry. He whispered out his name and gave a quick wave before sitting across from him on the sofa. A text quickly appeared on Harry’s screen:

‘Hows the day been so far’

“Ni, mate, he’s up in his room,” Harry laughed, “he’s not going to hear you.”

“But the monitor” he whispered, pointing to the ottoman, “can’t he hear?”

“It only goes one way. I can see him, hear him, but his piece doesn’t get any feedback.”

“Oh, Theo’s worked like that, too.”

Harry paused a moment before deciding to shrug it off, “The day’s been good, though. He’s a little nervous about seeing you lads, but he’s excited.”

“I, erm, I brought him somethin’. Like a gift, if that’s okay. I left it out in the car, if, y’know, he’s like, not allowed to have it, or whatever.”

“Course he’s allowed to have it, lad. What kind of ship do you think I’m runnin’ here?”

“No, mate, I didn’t mean- It’s not like I was sayin’- Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Ni, it was a joke." Harry said with a laugh and watched Niall physically relax. "We don’t really have a lot of things that are obviously children’s toys here, ya’know, people showing up unexpectedly and all. It’s not a very good idea to have obvious things.”

“Well, it’s just a few little things. It’s erm, it’s a game of Jenga and a some Legos. I figured they could easily be explained. It won’t be every time I come over or anything, I just thought I could bring something, to let him know that we’re on board. That I’m really on board with this. I hope that’s okay?”

It kind of took him by surprise because Niall’s a good guy and all, better than most to be honest, but that’s a bit above and beyond what Harry was excepting, “Wow. That’s, yeah Ni, of course that’s okay. We really didn’t expect you to do that, thank you, seriously, mate. Though I am going to ask you to wait until after the other lads leave to give it to 'im, if you don’t mind. I don’t want him to see it as it being only from you and the other two don’t want to be a part of it, ya’know?”

“No, I know you don’t expect us to. It’s just, he just seemed really afraid that we wouldn’t understand what he needed from us, and I know it was hard for him to ask. I don’t think I’ ever be able to ask my closest mates to let me wear a nappy in front of them. I just want him to know that I’m down it, for whatever it is.”

“I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much that means to us. Niall, seriously. We’ve never told anyone anything about this, and it means the world to me - and I’m sure it will to Louis too - that you’re doing something like this for us.” Harry refuses to let himself cry right now, but the idea isn’t far off.

“It’s what you do for the people you care about most, H. With everything that we’re doing, it’s a lot. We have to count on each other to do things for each other. If I can’t be supportive a mate now, I’ll never be able to call on you lads if I ever need it. I don’t want this to go on and on, either. You’re asking for support, and I’m giving it. A single thank you is all I’ll accept, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll let Lou be here for it, though, I know he’ll want to be.”

There was a second knock on the door, followed very similarly by Niall's entrance. There were a few whispers, and H and Niall picked their heads up and turned to the door frame. Two more sets of shoes were added to the pile by the door, and silent, sock covered feet padded into the lounge.

“Lads,” Harry greeted warmly, “alright?”

  
“Yeah, mate, good.” Zain answered

A nod from Liam and an almost silent, “You?” made Harry feel a bit uneasy about the entire day.

  
“Yeah. Ni just got here, and Lou’s still in the middle of his nap, but it shouldn’t be long now.” the clock on the wall read 2.30, “maybe another twenty?”

“Cool.” It was Zain this time, and Harry most definitely has a bad feeling about the way this afternoon will go. But who knows, they could just be nervous like H and Louis are.

“So, there’s some food set out in the kitchen already if anyone’s hungry, but I have some soft pretzel sticks set aside for when Lou wakes up.”

“I ate just before I came over, but thanks.” Niall hummed from his spot on the sofa.

  
“I can wait and eat with him.” Liam added

They settled into a silence after that. Harry willed it not to be tense, but it was. There was something in the air, a dissonance in the manner the lads sat silently and tapped away at their mobiles. Harry thinks he may go mad if he just sits there and pretends to be interested in anything but the situation, so he excuses himself to the kitchen on the account of starting the kettle. When he leaves, he thinks he hears soft whispers coming from the lounge, but he can’t be sure, and even if he were, he wouldn’t be able to make out any of the words that are falling secretly from lips.

Harry’s in the middle of pulling out the tea when Zain appears next to him. “‘I’ll finish up ‘ere, Louis is up.” he says, holding up the white and grey monitor. The picture is as fuzzy as always, but Harry can still clearly see Lou sitting up in his cot, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and he can already hear the laboured breath of his cries, “He called for you once already, we didn’t know how long you were gonna be, and then he started cryin’, though maybe-.”

“He’s never been very good at waking up, that lad,” Harry shrugs, giving a smile in his direction and moving to dry his hands on a tea towel thrown haphazardly on the worktop. “Would you mind tellin’ the others we might be a while? He doesn’t know that you lot are here yet, I thought it best not to let himself work himself into a worry about it all afternoon.”

“Can do. Take as long as you need.” The trace of a smile on Zain’s face is enough to reassure Harry, at least for the time being.

He excused himself then, stashing the monitor on the table and making his way up to the second bedroom to the right at the top of the stairs. Sure enough, when he opened the door, he found Lou in his cot. His legs were crossed and his crying had mostly subsided, the steady flow of tears had stopped and now only a few stray ones were escaping every so often. The confusion of waking up always seemed to upset him just enough to push him over the edge of tears.

“Hey there, little lad.” Harry greeted as he walked in, reaching for the monitor and turning it off before moving to kiss Lou’s forehead, “How was your nap?”

“Good.” Lou answered shyly.

“Yeah? You have some good dreams?”

“Didn’t dream today. Up, daddy?”

“Do you want to rock for a bit, baby?”

“Can I have a change first, daddy. I’m sorry, but ’m dirty. ”

“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart. You did a good job using your nappy for me, I’m very proud of you, you’re being such a good boy for daddy today. Did you want your blanket or Bonbon for the change?”

“Both, please?”

“Not a problem, bub. Are you feeling hungry?”

“A yittle bit. What’s for snack? Can we have biscuits today?”

“Maybe we can do biscuits tomorrow, princess, I already pulled out a snack for us. Should I use gloves today?”

“Is it okay if you don’t?,” Lou blushed bashfully with the answer, “I mean, if you want to, then yeah, but if you don't need to I would prefer you don't. But I’m not tryin’ ta be naughty tellin’ daddy no. I sorry. Yes, sir. Gloves are okay.”

“Hey, hey,” harry soothed, petting down the side of his little’s face, “it’s not a big deal, I don’t have to wear the gloves if you don’t want me too. You’re being such a good boy today, I haven’t seen you be naughty at all today, sweetheart. You're doing such a good job telling' me about your feelings. Are you okay?”

A nod of his head said yes, but Harry wasn’t at all convinced.

“Are you nervous about having the lads over?”

The nod that came with that question was an honest one.

“Don’t be nervous, I’m sure they’re all gonna be really excited to play with you.”

“Is it okay if I have a wipe again?” It was clear Louis didn’t want to talk about his feelings associated with the lads coming over, and Harry got the message.

Harry obligingly dropped the conversation there and handed over a square form the canister, blowing a raspberry on the little’s tummy before getting to work. Louis wanted to talk about the schedule for the rest of the day, about when the lads were coming over and who was cleaning what in preparation for it, but Harry didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth right then. Not with his legs up in the air in such a vulnerable way. He would wait until they were rocking. When he had a chance to calm the storm he knew it was going to present.

When a new nappy was taped into place, Harry went to work redressing him. The overalls that he was wearing during the morning got dirty with lunch and were in the wash. Lou was partial to wearing just his nappy until they were done, but by wges of convincing by Harry, he managed to get L to agree to a pair of joggers and a ¾ sleeved shirt on account of it being colder than usual.

“Why do you wanna rock so bad, daddy? We just did before nap.”

“I live for a good cuddle with you, bun, you know that.” Louis nodded his head in agreement. “I also have some good news for you.”

“Yeah?” Louis sounded so excited and Harry doesn’t know if he should have prefaced the news as good, but it seemed that it may be the only way to get Louis into the rocker with him. And he’s pretty sure the rocker is going to be the easiest way to calm him down

“I know we weren’t expecting the lads until later, but since they cleared their whole day for us, I figured we could have them earlier than 5 tonight.”

It took a few seconds for what Harry was saying to register in the little’s head, but once it did, Harry could see the wheels turning. His face immediately turned to an angry expression and heated in colour a bit, too. “They’re- The three of them are down stairs? Now?”

“Yeah, they got here a little bit ago.”

“They heard me on the monitor just now? When I told you that my nappy was dirty? Why would you let me do that?” He was trying to squirm out of Harry’s lap, fighting to sit up and run away, but Harry held him tight. Rubbing his back and trying to comfort the little.

“No, baby, they didn’t hear anything. I turned off the monitor the second I walked in the room. Everything’s fine, baby.”

  
“No, it’s not fine. We waited until the end of blo-” he took a moment to breathe and stop the word so close to escaping his mouth, “We waited until the end of the day for a reason.”

“I’m very proud of you baby.”

“Yeah, glad you’re proud, H. We agreed, they were going to come for dinner and not before then.”

“You need to watch yourself, Lou.”

“No, you need to do what we agreed on. You said we would have all afternoon to get ready for it, and then you invited them earlier.”

“Everything is ready, baby, I did it while you were napping.” Harry was losing the battle and Louis was starting to gain the upper hand on the fight to get out of the rocker. “Babe, settle down. You have all the time in the world. It’s okay, they’re not expecting us right away.”

“Of course they’re expecting us soon. They can probably hear us yelling at right now!”

“You’re the only one who is yelling sweetheart, please, settle down. They know that you weren’t expecting them, I told them it could be a while.”

“Why was I the last person to know about all this, huh? Why would you think that’s a good idea?”

“It was supposed to be best for you this way. I’m sorry if you’re upset, baby.”

“You’re sorry if I’m upset by it, that’s all you’re going to offer?”

“I know you weren’t expecting this, Louis, and you’re very clearly angry about it, but you need calm down. I’m been very nice about the way you’re speaking to me and I know, believe me, I know you’re biting your tongue right now, but it needs to stop. You’re going to do something you regret.”

“You’re right, I am angry about it.”

“What can I do for you right now?” Harry offered.

The little was up and pacing now, wracking his brain to find something capable of calming him down enough to mentally prepare for the evening ahead of him. “I want a minute to be alone. Tell them I went back to sleep or summat, I don’t care. Just give me some time to get meself together. Can I ask that?” The sass was completely gone from his tone, he was honestly pleading for some alone time.

“Yeah, I can give you that. I’m going to leave the audio of the monitor on, yeah?”

“Can I be in ‘a big bed? I know that I chose the cot for nap, but you said nap time is over and I really want to be in our room for right now. I promise I won’t get out of the bed until you come for me, I promise promise promise. And I haven’t done it in a really really long time, gotten out of our bed, I’ve never ever broked a three peat promise.”

“Shh, honey. You can stay in our bed for a little bit, sure. ‘Cmon, babe. You want blankie and bonbon?”

  
“I take a wipe too?”

“Yes, but only because this isn’t nap time. We don’t usually get a wipe in bed, yes?”

“I know, only because nap is over.”

“Okay, then. Let’s get you settled.” Harry pulled himself up before stowing the little on his hip and gathering bonbon, his blankie and new wipe and taking them all to the master. “You call out for me if you need absolutely anything, do you understand? I don’t care what it is.”

“Yes, I call for you if I need anything.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon, princess.”

“Love you daddy, more than you could ever dream,” Louis’ voice was frail and Harry’s come to notice that happens when he’s feeling exceptionally little.

“And I love you, bub, more than you could ever imagine.” It left a smile on his face as he walked back down the stairs and into the lounge where the other lads were waiting. “Hey, lads, he wasn’t quite ready to get up yet, it appears. I told him he could have another half hour.”

“We heard him yelling up there, H. Is he sure he wants to do this?” Liam asked with skepticism, “because if he doesn’t, we can sit on the idea for a little bit.”

“He was just taken by surprise, but he really has been excited about everything.” after a pause, harry offered, “But if you’re the one that wants to table this for a little bit, then you should say so, mate, genuinely.”

“I don’t.” Liam was short and Harry doesn’t exactly know what to say.

“Okay,”

“No, it’s not okay. He was a fucking mess from the beginning of that dinner and he’s afraid to come downstairs today. Is he really the one that wants this, H, or is it something else?” Liam was yelling now, and suddenly, the space between him and Harry was getting smaller. “Or maybe it’s someone else, huh?”

“He’s a mess, Li, because this is hard for him. You know him, he isn’t the type to share warm and fuzzies about himself for no reason. He needs this. And if you think for one damned second I’m the one pushing for him to be little in front of his closest mates, then you can get the hell out of my fucking house!”

“Alright, okay, let’s all take a step back here.” Niall said, stepping between the two and making some distance, “If we could hear Lou yelling upstairs, then he sure as hell can hear the two of you right now. So knock it off would’ya.”

“He asked me for this, this is what he wants.” Harry spoke lowly, “If it were up to me, we wouldn’t be doing this. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t give you the opportunity to yell things like that while he’s trying to prepare himself and make him feel bad about himself for this. Do you not understand how important this is to him?”

“I’m not trying to make him feel bad about this. He’s been terrified to even speak with us the last two times we’ve seen him, and I don’t want that to happen every time I pass him on the bus. I want Louis to be on tour with us, not someone who can’t look us in the eyes.”

“And he’ll get over that! The first time he was little around me, he didn’t say a single word. It was all nodding or shaking his head. And the next time, it wasn’t a mile a minute. This isn’t something that going to be completely back to normal overnight. It’s going to take time, time for you to get to know him and time for him to get to know you, but he’ll never be afraid to look you lads in the eye.”

“He wouldn’t look at anyone last Thursday, mate.” Liam spit back, he sounded tired almost, if Harry was reading him right, maybe afraid. His voice was raised a bit a

and he was closer to Harry now than he was before Niall stepped between them. "I won't have you stopping Lou from looking his mates in the eye."

"Liam!" Zain called, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him towards the door to the back garden, "We've talked about this, mate. C'mon, let's go for a fag." he said, sparing a moment to look back at Harry and adding, "We'll be back in a couple minutes." before gently closing the door behind them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reads, the comments and kudos if you enjoyed. If it's absolute shit, please let me know and I'll do my best to fix it. Thank you, thank you.


	4. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the lads meeting little Lou for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!! Here it is, I know I left you lot at a intense part in the last chapter, but here's the rest!

Once Zain pulled Li out the door, Harry and Niall were left to suffer in silence. It was easily the most dense and uncomfortable minute of quiet that Niall had suffered through and before now, he didn’t think he possessed the strength to break it. The best he could do was offer a sigh and a soft squeeze to Harry’s shoulder. There were plans in Ni’s head for a few words of encouragement, but before he could find the right ones to say, there was a panicked little yelling on the monitor. Niall thinks Lou had the foresight to pick up his side of the receiver and yell directly into it. Smart lad, Ni thinks but this is not the time to point something like that out.

“Daddy, please come get me. Please, please, please. I three-peat promised so I can’t get off ‘a the big bed, so you gotta come get me! Daddy, I heard all the yelling, I heard the door slam, he can't leave before I see him!”

Harry threw an apology over his shoulder to Niall as he raced up the stairs and to the master. He took the stairs two by two and ran down the corridor in an effort to get to him quicker. He found Lou at the edge of the bed, his legs dangling off, but not yet touching the floor and Harry doesn’t think he’s ever been so proud of his boy before. He was over to Louis in an instant, pulling the boy into his arms and cradling his tear stained face in his neck. Harry knows that Lou’s favourite place when he’s panicked.

“He didn’t leave, baby. Nobody’s left.” Harry assured. “Everything’s fine.”

“Then what was all the yelling about?”

“Daddy and Liam had an disagreement, bub. He’s just concerned for you, wants to make sure you’re okay.”

“I wanna see them.”

“They went out the back to have a smoke, okay, bub? They’ll be inside in another ten minutes and you can see them then, yeah?”

“Li’s not mad at me is he?”

“No, babe, I think he’s just a little worried for you. He cares a lot about you, he wants to make sure you’re okay. He’s a good mate like that.”

Louis only nodded to that, and Harry wasn’t quite sure what exactly the simple reaction meant.

“Are we gonna bring blankie and Bonbon down stairs with us, or are they gonna stay up here in bed for tonight?”

“They stay here?”

“They worked hard keepin’ those nightmares away, didn’t they? Deserve a bit of a break?” Harry paused by the bed, and Lou gently tossed them towards his pillow. “Ya know, Niall’s really excited to play with you today.”

“I think I’m most excited to play with him. He’s silly when he wants to be.”

“Yeah,” they were on the stairs now, and Harry really hopes that Zain and Liam are still out in the back garden, not in their cars on their way out, “and, I pulled out a really yummy snack for us all to share. They’re not biscuits, but I know how you feel about soft pretzel sticks and melted cheese.” the little nodded into his shoulder, “I put the kettle on, too, love.”

“Thank you, daddy.”

Harry stopped as they reached the last stair, “Remember everything we’ve talked about, sweetheart. Our rules are still apply and consequences will be given later. You need to tell daddy if something makes you uncomfortable, or if you’re overwhelmed, or if you’re not up for everything that’s happening. They will understand and it’s gonna be a laid back lad’s night.”

“My nappy,” Louis said quietly, worrying his bottom lip, “you won’t change me in front of them, right? And the consequences- they don’t happen in front of the lads, right?”

“They won’t, bub. We will handle everything with just the two of us. If you need a change, you just tell me and we’ll excuse ourselves, they don’t even have to know why we’re going upstairs. And I really hope you aren’t naughty tonight, but if a problem does arise and we can’t solve it there and then, the two of us will talk about it after the lads leave.”

“I tell you if I need anything. And I use my word if I need it, too. The lot of them will be good to me, daddy won’t let anything bad happen to me.” Lou sounded confident, too. He wasn’t as hesitant as Harry thought he’d be for this.

“That’s right. You’re such a smart boy, daddy is so proud of everything that you’re doing today.”

Louis preened at the compliment and softly requested to be put down. Harry was surprised at the boldness, but encouraged it, kissing his forehead softly and putting him down. Lou grabbed for daddy’s hand next, intertwining their fingers and squeezing hard before taking a few steps in the direction of the lounge. He froze a mere metre away from the doorframe and Harry pulled their twisted hands up to his lips to kiss at the back of Lou’s hand before gently guiding him the rest of the way.

Niall had heard them coming, and pocketed his mobile in exchange for eagerly awaiting the pair to enter. Niall doesn’t know if he’s ever been so nervous and excited and a tiny bit afraid to see one of his best mates in his entire life. He’s decided it’s mostly nervous, though, because as little as everyone acknowledges it, Louis really is the person who keeps the lads functioning as a whole. Yes, he’s the first to be off task and is the ringleader when it came to being mischievous, but he is also the first to sacrifice himself when it comes to the other four of them or to the band itself. He was the one who volunteered to take the brunt of the blame when it came to the lads misbehaviour or whenever they were in trouble for any reason, really; he was the one who stayed up late nights negotiating with the team concerning the number of shows compared to the holiday time the lads got, he made sure everyone got home to see their family enough. He was the one that braved the cold weather for hot soup when Liam was sick in NYC with an awful case of the flu, and Niall can personally attest to the way Louis just kinda knows what people need from him and when they need it - it’s probably because of his younger sisters, but that doesn’t discount the fact that he knows when someone needs a shoulder to cry on, or a kick in the arse. He was the rock of the band, no matter how many people overlooked it. And Niall was petrified of letting him down in this way now, because if he were honest with himself for just a moment, Niall really does look up to Louis.

“Hey Ni,” Harry spoke upon entering the room, “Lou and I are gonna head to the table and find a snack if you’re interested in joining us.”

Niall saw the two of them walk in, and he doesn't think Louis looks different in any way. He was wearing what he usually wore on days off during the tour season, though the un-matched socks were something that didn’t usually happen, and he still managed to shift the energy in the room when he walked in. He was standing a half step behind Harry, squeezing his hand for what looked to be dear life, but he didn’t say a word, didn’t even spare a glance in Niall’s direction. “Erm, yeah. If that’s okay with you, Louis?”

At that, Louis panicked, his body only moving enough to shuffle closer into daddy’s side and let out a small, quiet whimper. Realistically, Louis knew he was going to have to talk to the other lads, he understood the entire point of this was to communicate with them, but he hadn’t anticipated it’d feel quite like this. Like a vice squeezing his body with the expectation of an answer. He doesn’t think he’s actually ready to admit to wearing a nappy or sitting in a highchair and having H feed him to the lot of them.

Harry hadn’t expected that reaction either, and soothed a hand down the little’s back as he shuffled closer. “I think that sounds lovely, Nialler. That sound okay to you, sweetie?”

Harry felt a hurried and anxious nod against his side, and though he’d usually push more for a verbal answer, Harry thinks that it’s acceptable for the moment. So he nods a little bit at Niall and tells him to follow the pair into the kitchen. “Do I gotta sit in my high chair in front of them?” Louis asked, once the two were crossing the kitchen to their table.

“In your highchair, or in daddy’s lap, bub. Those are always your options.” Harry felt bad given the look on the little’s face, but he knew if he didn’t start out enforcing the rules while the lads were around, it would be even harder when he eventually did.

The little conceded to the answer given by daddy, and when asked where he’d like to eat his snack, he sighed and asked to be strapped into his highchair. Niall gave him a smile when he walked in and sat opposite of Louis at the table, leaving the chair next to Louis for Harry, and Louis forced himself to give a smile back. It was weak, and he knows that Niall knows it wasn’t a genuine smile, but at least he was putting in effort, right? Harry made small talk from across the room, and soon he was bringing a tray of three mugs of tea paired with a platter of pretzel sticks and melted cheese. There was a napkin placed in front of Louis, and Harry quickly started tearing two of the sticks onto it and putting a small pile of the cheese in the corner.

“When you finish those, baby, you can have some more, yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, bub.” Harry smiled to the little, “And Nialler, feel free to take as many as you want, we’ve got plenty more in the freezer.”

“Careful,” the little added quietly as Niall reached for the platter, surprising them both as he talked, “they’re really hot sometimes.”

Niall nodded with an appreciative smile and reached for one, dipping it into the cheese before bringing it to the plate Harry had fetched for him, and repeated the process a twice more. The room was quiet, the only source of noise was Louis tapping his foot against the stand of his highchair and jaws chewing when the door to the back garden slid open. Zain and Liam emerged from the passageway, along with a cold gust of wind from the frigid weather outside. Three heads turned in their direction and the pair’s conversation stopped immediately. Liam threw his gaze downwards almost instantly, and Zain could only give a sheepish smile to the trio enjoying their afternoon snack.

“Tea’s in the kitchen, I trust you can find the plates if you’d like to eat with us.” Harry said coldly, quickly turning his attention back to Louis on his left

Zain nodded and pulled Liam along behind him on his way to the kitchen. Again, Harry would have sworn he heard voices, and he knows he saw Niall’s ears perk with interest as the others left the room. If they have a problem, they need to say so, because Harry absolutely will not stand for Louis to be this kind of vulnerable when the two of them are clearly shitting all over it.

So H was surprised, pleasantly so, when they came in, steaming mugs in one hand and plates in the other and sat down at the table with smiles on their faces.

“Morning Lou, how was your nap?” Zain asked cheerfully.

Louis simply nodded, but Zain was undeterred by it and asked another.

“Did you sleep well?”

Another nod, and Harry decided it may be time to ask a bit more from the little.

“Baby, why don’t you use your nice manners and answer Zee, yeah?”

“Yeah, thank you.” It was only three words, but Harry’s learned it’s the little steps that are the most important.

“So, I’ve set up the playstation, but we can pull out the Wii if we want to later on.” Harry suggestion and the rest of the lot simply nodded their heads in agreement, “Does anyone have suggestions for games to play?” He tried.

“The usual is good with me,” Liam spoke before backtracking a bit, “if those games are good with you, Lou?”

A weak nod came before, “Love fifa.”

“Good then, been lookin’ for a rematch since you beat me last time.” Ni erupted with half a pretzel hanging from his lips.

“Not gonna beat me, lad, been practicin’ with the time we’ve had off.”

“Oh you have been, have you? You’re going to be put to shame, mate, I’m quite sorry.”

“Then you’ll be upset, Nialler, and I won’t hear any more of it.”

There was a chuckle that circled round the table and Louis couldn’t be more satisfied with himself. He’s the funny one, and with them falling into familiar roles, maybe this won’t be so hard to get through. If everyone would kindly look past the fact that Louis’ is wearing a nappy and not cursing nearly as much as usual, the evening will be just fine.

“Would you like more, love?” Harry asked as he noticed the supply in front of his boy was quickly depleting. “Or is your tummy full?”

“No thank you, daddy, wanna save room for lots of pizza tonight.”

“You’ve got some veggies to eat with that pizza, too, sweetheart. I’m thinking about spinach, what’d’ya say?”

“I don’t like it when we have spinach.”

“What should we have, then?”

“A salad with pizza, lots of dressing.”

“You know that’s not what I meant, buddy. You can pick it, but you gotta pick something that’s good for you.”

“Sprouts?” he asks softly, peering round the table to seek approval from the rest of the group, “Is that okay?”

“I never thought I’d live to see the day that Louis Tomlinson recommended sprouts for dinner.” It came off a bit harsh, but to Liam’s credit, he was trying.

“You don’t want them, Li? We can do green beans, or, I mean, spinach is fine if everyone else wants it?”

“No, baby-” Harry started, but he heard Liam at the same time and decided he’d like to hear what the older lad had to say.

“I would love sprouts for dinner, mate, it sounds great. I was just teasing you, Lou I’m sorry.”

“It’s not nice to tease a mate, Li.” Louis said softly, “But I accept your apology.”

“Thanks buddy.” A pause struck, everybody missing a few beats. “Is it alright if I call you that? Buddy?”

Lou looked up to Harry, trying to gauge his thought on the question. Harry's face didn't change much, the only difference Lou could see was the slight twitch of a smile on his lips, but he couldn’t quite be sure if it's forced or not. “I- erm, yeah, if daddy’s okay with it.”

All eyes were quickly turned to Harry and Lou could see an honest smile gracing his features. “Course it’s okay, with me.”

“It’s settled then! So, this speak of fifa, yeah? It’s been ages since we’ve had a proper turney, lads.” Liam was finishing off a pretzel stick and taking another sip of tea before clapping his hands together and standing.

In the excitement of it all, Louis was making grabby hands Daddy to get him out of his chair that he caught the rim of his mug and knocked it to the ground. Harry was there in a moment, pulling his boy, who was insisting it was an accident and would clean it up immediately, from the highchair and into his arms. Shhing him and running a soft hand down his back. Louis was crying already, he didn’t want to be in trouble, especially with the other lads right there watching.

“Of course it’s an accident, Lou. You’re not in any trouble.” Harry cooed, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

Liam had already made his way to the kitchen and was returning with a towel to clean the spilled tea. Bless him, Harry had thought, because the quicker it was cleaned up and forgotten, the easier it would be to calm Lou down. He’s especially hard on himself for the little things, the things that he could have avoided but caused due to his haste. Zain and Niall were standing now, staying seated just felt wrong in the situation, but twisting their hands in an effort to occupy themselves.

“It’s okay, Lou. Erm,” Niall attempted to comfort, “Li’s already cleaned it, and Zain and I, we’re, ah, we’re on our way to the lounge to set up the PS3, yeah? The games gonna be ready to go in a couple minutes, no reason to cry over spilt tea, right?”

Harry has to hand it to Niall, he did a good job of distracting Lou and pulling his attention from what happened, and Lou seemed to agree, too. His tears tapered off and he pulled his head from where had been slotted into Harry’s neck. He looked around, seemingly surprised that Liam had, indeed already mopped up the spill with a towel and Zain was asking H which drawer the PS3 games were stored in.

There was a moment where Niall didn't know how to continue, and Harry was quick to the rescue. “It’s alright, bub. Noting we couldn’t fix, right? C’mon, wanna get a good seat for our turney, dontcha?”

“I, yeah? Please.”

"There's a lad!" Ni said as he gave the little a pat on the back and started walking to the lounge himself.

Harry made a pit stop in the kitchen then, to get a bottle of water for Louis and making sure he didn’t need anything from Harry. And after Harry had assured the little he wasn’t in any trouble whatsoever, Louis was ready to play with the other lads. They settled themselves on the loveseat in front of the telly, it’s Lou’s favourite place while playing his video games. Liam and Niall sitting comfortably spread out on the larger sofa and Zain taking up residency on the lone seater. His feet pushed up by the attached foot rest and visibly relaxing into the soft leather as he settled in.

Lou and Niall played first, Niall picking Ireland and uselessly complaining when Barcelona, Lou’s team, beat the pants off them. Nobody’s surprised, really, but that doesn’t stop anybody from complimenting Louis when he won. Harry played next, against Liam and it was surprising, really, when Harry was an actual competitor in it. Niall accused him of cheating, but Harry had been settled next to Lou on occasion, practicing and trying in spite of his inability to beat his boyfriend. He hasn’t been successful yet, but someday, he plans to be.

“I brought COD3, too if you lads want to play.” Niall said a few hours later, once everyone had completed multiple matches against eachother.

  
“Those games aren’t for little eyes,” Harry said gently, petting across Lou’s side as he spoke.

“But it’s almost time for pizza, yeah?” Louis was quick to argue. “We can go to the kitchen and start the sprouts if you lot want to play. Not for little eyes, but you can still play, right?”

It was Niall this time, who stepped in for the group. “No, you don’t have to leave, we can play something else. Mario Kart good for everyone? I’ve been waiting to kick Zain’s arse again.” Louis flinched at the curse, and it was clear that Niall noticed. “Christ, I’m sorry mate. I’m bloody tryin’ to get this right, but I’m not very good at this, love,” he apologised.

“Don’t worry about it Ni, we’re just not used to hearing curse words while there’s a little round. It’s not a big deal, though, right Lou?”

“I still don’t get to say swear words, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t. It’s okay, Nialler.”

  
It was silent for a while, no one quite knowing when was the appropriate time to break the silence. It ended up to be Niall who took the responsibility, calling out another confirmation for Mario Kart and getting the game set up in the console, before distributing controllers to all five of the lot. Harry smiled as Niall made it so Louis was in fact the red player of the two teams. Liam volunteered to sit this race out, and Niall and Zain continued to bicker about who was racing first for the next five minutes as everyone settled back down. Harry used this time to whisper to the little, making sure he didn’t need a new nappy or anything. Louis shook his head, that no he was fine, he’d be sure to tell daddy if he did need anything. Harry had half a mind to reach a hand down to Lou's crotch to make sure he was dry, but decided against it. Niall and Zain were almost done going back and forth and Harry really hopes that he and Lou have gotten to a point where they don't lie about soiled nappies anymore.

They continued playing until the pizza arrived, Zain claimed it was his turn to pay for the food, jumping up to grab the door before Harry can even begin to protest. He’s only gone a few minutes before he returns with five plates from the kitchen and five beers in his hands. Distributing them to the lads lounging on the sofa before him.

“I hope it wasn’t too presumptuous of me to grab these, Haz,” Zain explained, holding up the beer in his hands and offering them around the room.

“That’s fine,” Harry smiled, but Lou could tell that it was a bit forced, “We won’t be needing them.” He refused for himself and Louis when Zain made it to their sofa.

“Right, course.”

“I’m going to start on the sprouts.” Harry said, suddenly standing from his spot on the sofa, “How many people are eating them?” Lou’s hand went up, albeit begrudgingly, followed by three other hands around the room. “Perfect, it shouldn’t be but ten minutes. You coming, Lou, or staying in here?”

Louis wasn’t expecting to be put on the spot so suddenly. If he were honest, he’d sorta expected Harry to ask him to follow into the kitchen, or tell him to stay on the sofa with the lads, because Harry usually makes those decisions for him. It’s not in a controlling or demanding way, though, it’s mostly Louis doesn’t do very well with deciding things on the fly. Louis simply does better with Harry deciding those things for him, or being given time to make the decisions carefully.

“You could,” Liam spoke up, “I mean, if you wanted to, you could stay in here. We could play another round of Kart, I’d love to be your partner, bet we’d win by a long shot against those two.”

“Yeah?” Louis asked, looking to Harry to seek approval of the decision. “Could I?

“Course, bub. I’ll just be in the kitchen, you come get me if you need anything, yeah?” Harry looked around sternly to the rest of the room, “No one is going to be upset if you want to come find me, it’s okay if this is a bit too much too fast, yeah?”

“Course not, I’ll personally walk him to you if he wants, Haz.” It was Niall this time, assuring the both of them as he moved towards Lou from the sofa opposite the little. “And I would like to petition for him to be on my team, Lord knows he better than Zainer, over there.”

“Okay then, love. I’ll just be cooking the sprouts. Do you want anything to drink with your pizza?”

“I can’t have a beer like everyone else?”

“No, love, we’ve talked about this. Daddy’s not drinking beer either.”

“Juice, then?” the little asked, and Harry nodded softly in approval, “We have any grape left?”

Harry nodded, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the little’s forehead before exiting the room. From an objective view, he knew that Lou was fine. He could hear everything that was happening out in the lounge, and if he crooned his neck in just the right way, he'd be able to see the entire scene. It was also not necessary for him to stand over the cooktop and watch the food cooking, he could stand in the threshold and be right there if Lou needed him. The point is, he didn't need to worry, he really didn't. But he did, he worries about everything.

“Ev’rybody pickin’ on Zee over there, it’s not very nice.” Harry heard Louis say as he was pulling a pan out from their stash of cookware. “I wanna be on his team.”

“Aces!” Zain yelled, and Harry could hear a scuffle. “We're gonna crush ‘em, mate!”

There was theme music next, and Harry relaxed a little bit. The game would distract Lou so he wouldn’t be thinking about being away from Harry, and once he put the sprouts in, Harry wanted to look over Lou while he was playing. It sounds odd, Harry knows that, but he loves to watch Lou when he’s playing a video game. The concentration in his eyes mimics that of when he's on a stage. The curl of his lips when he's winning is mesmerising, and the way his toes wriggle with anticipation as the end of the race quickly approaches, well Harry finds it particularly funny.

Lou was loving the attention he was getting, the other lads fighting each other to have him on their team made him feel safe, it made him feel loved, and he made a mental note to thank them again for it later. And though he's had better partners in Mario Kart, he's also had worse and he figures Zain was a good choice. He's quiet and encouraging, but he's content to lounge peacefully as they play next to each other. It wasn't until they had beat the other in their race until there was a hint of a problem.

“Ace, Lou. You did a good job, bub.” Zain had congratulated and Louis’ eyes suddenly turned to puddles.

That was Harry's name for him, Zain had no right to use it. Sure, Louis’ has only been around Harry when he's little, and twice Dr. Adam, but bub feels special to him. Something that is above honey or buddy, it’s something that seemed special between him and daddy. “No!” He growled out to Zain. “You don't get to call me that. And I’ll thank you now for never doing it again, Malik!”

Harry had been watching the exchange. The kind words Zee spoke to his boy, watching the way the words had such a massive impact on Louis, and the way tears were quickly from his eyes. It was time for him to step in. “What happened?” He asked calmly.

“He doesn't get to call me that, daddy!” Louis sobbed, flying across the room into Harry's arms.

Zain looked a bit defensive, one may take the liberty of saying upset, but most of all he looked confused. His brows bonded together as though there were a corset pulling them closer and Harry does have to say he's a bit confused himself. Mind, if Harry hadn't watched the entire thing happen, he'd be head hunting as soon as he was assured that Louis was okay, but he did see it all and agrees with Zain's confusion.

“Alright, sweetheart,” Harry spoke calmly, petting a hand down his boy's back, “lets---”

“He called me bub and he doesn't get to call me that. It's a name for just you. He’s not allowed to do that.” Louis interrupted.

“Alright, sweetheart, did you tell him that? Did you tell him when you were uncomfortable or think before you spoke to him in that way?”

“He didn't ask. He called me bub and didn't ask me first.”

“Harry's been calling you bub since I walked in. I didn't think it would be an issue, Louis, I'm sorry.” Zain popped in, carefully making his way over to the pair of them.

“Well it is an issue. Only daddy gets to call me that.” Louis snipped.

“Louis, I understand that you're upset, but you need to mind your manners. You're not speaking very nicely to Zain.” Harry’s heart was sinking, but he did his best to sound firm on his position, “I understand he did something to make you unhappy, but there's no reason you should be talking to him this way.”

“He should have asked. Like Li did.”

“You should be respectful to grown ups and not talk back to daddy.” Louis whimpered at the tone in Harry’s voice. It was Harry's stern voice, the one he pulled out when Louis was dangerously close to crossing a well defined line. “I understand you're upset and you didn't like it when he called you ‘bub’ but you need to express it kindly instead of being rude.”

“He hurt my feelings, why am I getting yelled at, huh? You’re supposed to be on my side. Go yell at Zain.”

“Believe me, bub, I am on your side. But you also happen to be on the wrong side. I hear what you're telling me, but you need to think very carefully here, bub.” Harry’s voice suddenly grew to a whisper in Lou’s ear, a warning meant for his ears only. “You're a word away from being sent to the naughty spot upstairs. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Thank you. I saw everything that happened, bub, and I know that Zee didn't do this on purpose. He was just tryin’ to be nice, he gave you a compliment. He didn't mean to upset you, and when things like that happen with your mates, it's not nice to yell at them. You could've come and found me. You could’a told him it was a you and daddy thing. Your mouth is not to be used as a weapon in this house and you know it.”

“He should've asked.” Louis insisted.

“Maybe he should've, but that doesn't give you a free pass, yeah? I'd like you to apologise.”

“I gotta?”

“If you'd like some time to think about it, feel free to let me know.” Harry was not going to let Lou sweet talk his way out of it.

“It's fine, Harry. I should've asked, I didn't mean to upset ‘im.” Zain interrupted, giving the pair a weak smile.

“It's not fine and he knows it.” And Harry's will power on this is quickly diminishing. What with the way the Zain looked so disappointed in himself for affecting Lou in such a way, the way Liam and Niall are looking at him with horror for enforcing the rules, and the little lad had his head tucked neatly into Harry's neck, it’s a losing battle. But it needs to happen. If H doesn't set the tone for enforcing the rules in front of the lads right now, Louis will never behave around them. “We don't speak to people like that round ‘ere and Louis knows that. Don't you?” Harry sounded particularly stern and Louis quickly shrunk in size again

“‘M sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't very nice.” It was a weak apology in a broken voice, but Harry decided to accept it. “And I'm sorry I talked back to you, daddy.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Harry said, petting a hand down his back. “I know this isn't easy, and I know some things can be upsetting, but that doesn't mean we throw rules out the window. Understand?”

“Yeah, I do, daddy.”

“I am sorry I didn’t ask before using that name, Lou. Is there anything else you don’t want me to call you?” Zain asked.

“Nothin’ mean. Like, quite obviously not bub, but nothin’ that’s being mean.”

“I think that’s something we can all handle, yeah?” Zain said with a smile, offering a look around the room to the other two.

Li and Niall nodded in agreement before there was a beep heard by everyone, reminding Harry there was something cooking on the stove. He excused himself and opted to take Louis with him as he finished getting their meal together. He brought himself out a glass of water along with the pan of sprouts and Lou’s bottle. Pizza was distributed around the room along with sprouts and actual glasses for beer. Liam offered Lou a spot next to himself on the sofa and after a nod, albeit hesitant, from Harry, Louis was off. He was cradled into the nook between Li’s arm and the plush cushion on the sofa. There wasn’t much conversation between the five of them, mostly the sound of soft chewing on pizza and belches from the beer, that only secondary to the soft music floating around the house at all times.

It was nearing half six when Harry had realised with a start, it had been close to four hours since Lou’d had his nappy changed. At least two and a half since he’d last had a wee because Harry had asked when they were playing fifa if Lou needed a change or anything. Harry doesn't mean to be accusing towards Lou, he's sure it was completely unintentional, but this was definitely longer than his usual time between nappies and he really doesn't want Lou to hold it until the lads leave. So he put his plate and cup on the ottoman and stood to his feet, eyes looking to him with caution.

“Alright there, mate?” Zain hazarded.

“Yeah, fine. Lou, wanna pop off with me for a moment?” There was an air of calm to him, at least he hoped, he hadn’t wanted to alarm anyone.

“Erm, yeah.” Lou was hesitant, slowly peeling himself from the sofa and taking the hand Harry had outstretched for him. “We leaving?”

“Nah, we’re just gonna pop upstairs for a mo,” he explained, “I think there’s a footy match tonight on Sky, if you lot want to turn on the telly. Should only be a little bit.” And then he was holding Lou’s hand and carefully steering him up the steps and into his nursery.

“I in trouble, daddy?” Louis asked, his hands seemingly particularly interesting as he was twisting them about. “‘Cause you said it was okay if I ate with Li.”

“Oh, no bub, not at all.” Harry rushed, “You’re not in any trouble, I'm sorry if I made it seem so. It’s just been a while since you’ve had a wee and I know you’ve been plenty hydrated.”

Louis suddenly look terrified, the only thing Harry can equate his facial expression to is when Louis got in serious trouble for sneaking his mobile while he was little to go on Twitter. It’s a story for another time, but it didn’t end pleasantly for the little. “No, please, I’m sorry. It wasn’t on purpose.”

“Whoah, hey. You’re alright, bub. I know.” Harry had pulled him closer. “You told daddy you’d tell him if you needed a nappy change, you told me you didn’t need anything. Were you lying to me?”

“No! No sir. I don’t lie to Daddy, it’s a naughty choice and someone could get hurt if we lie to each other.”  
  
“You’re such a good boy, princess. You’re such a smart little boy. Everything’s fine, no one’s in any trouble then, since you don’t lie to Daddy. I’m sure it wasn’t on purpose that you haven’t needed a change. It’s hard, to do this in front of the lads, I get that. You’re not in any trouble, princess. I just thought it may be easier if you didn’t have an audience, yeah?”

“I- Don’t you- Can we rock? Please?”

“Sure baby. Is there something you wanna talk about?”

“Rock first, please.”

Harry nodded in return. Louis would talk when he’s ready. Harry knows this. Gently shifting the little from the position they were in, Harry picked Lou up and brought him towards the rocking chair. He loved this chair, all the memories that it holds, the intimacy it represents between him and Louis. They’ve both leaned on the memories of this chair when it all feels like it’s crumbling to shit. He was content reminiscing, so a few minutes later when Lou started talking, he may have flinched a little.

“I thought I was in trouble when you asked me up here. Couldn’t figure out what I did wrong, thought maybe it was because I was sitting with Li and not you. But you said I wasn’t. And then when you said something about the nappy, I realised how much I needed a wee. And I used to get in trouble all’a for not having a wee when I needed to. I- Like, I swear I didn’t need it when we were down stairs and then as soon as you said something about it, it hit me like a brick wall. I really need to take a pi-- Argh, sorry, I’m sorry!”

“Alright, hey, you’re alright. I’m so proud of you bub, you're such a good boy. My beautiful, well behaved, favourite little boy. That’s twice today, twice that you’ve stopped yourself dead in the middle of saying something we don’t say while you’re little, and I know you’re beating yourself up over it, but love, you wouldn’t believe how proud I am of you for that. You're doing so well, I know it's hard, but you're doing so well "

“I held my wee.”

“I don’t believe that, sweetheart. I think you just didn’t think about it and when I said something about it you panicked. It’s okay, love. A lot of things are happening today and you’re doing so incredibly with it all.” Harry could see the formation of tears in Louis’ eyes and swiftly placed a gentle hand on his tummy, firmly massaging above his belly button. “Let’s just have a wee now, yeah? We’ll rock for a bit and when you’re done, I’ll get you changed and we can head down whenever you’re ready, yeah?”  
  
A tear stained down Lou’s cheek, but Harry was encouraged when only two followed, his eyes clearing the fluid but not replacing it. Those words had seemed to be enough convincing for Louis. “I’m not in trouble?”

“No, bub, you’re not. And you know daddy doesn’t lie to you about those kinda things. We don’t play silly mind games like that, not ever.”

“Thank you.”

Harry kept on, massaging the spot above Lou's bladder and humming a soft tune in time with the swaying of the rocker. He tried not to look up to the clock on the wall. He didn't want to be concerned about the lads downstairs, but he couldn't imagine the horror that awaited if one of the lads came to check on them and walked in on this. Louis might not ever recover. Ten minutes ticked by, and Louis was quiet. He lifted his own hand to join Harry’s on his stomach, pressing down harder, and when Harry didn’t receive the message, he bashfully asked Harry to push harder on his tummy to get him to have a wee. Fifteen minutes pass, and Harry is moving them to the changing table across the room. He pauses, briefly, by the door to close and lock it before setting the lad on the table and telling him a joke about Forest Gumps’ computer password, apparently it’s: 1Forest1!

“You’re not funny, daddy.”

Harry gasped, feigning hurt as he began to pull back the tabs. “I’ve been told I’m an absolute riot, dear boy.”

“They we’re lying to you, mate.”

“Legs up for me, baby. And, I seem to be remembering you laughing at my jokes this morning, bub. Were you lying to me?”

“No, I don’t lie to you daddy. And I wasn’t laughing at your jokes”

“I’m positive you were laughting at my joke this morning. The Banana one, about the sunburn and why it’s always peeling” maybe Harry should just tell it agian.

“No, Daddy, I wasn’t laughing at the joke, I was laughing at you!”

“Say it’s not so!” Louis laughed as Harry gasped.

Powder was being applied to Lou’s bits and a nappy was tapped into place while Louis was still laughing. Harry offered to rock for a bit more, but Lou insisted they go back down, there was a little less than an hour before it was scheduled to be his bedtime and the other’s had to leave. He was having fun with them and he didn’t want them to think he and H were ignoring their guests. And plus, Louis had pointed out, we’re just gonna watch the footy match. And Harry had to acknowledge the point that he made. If there were ever to be a laid back environment in which the five of them could exist in complete and perfect harmony, it would be while watching a footy match.

When the pair had found their way back to the lounge, three sets of eyes barely looked up from the telly as they entered, and Louis was over the proverbial moon about it. If he hadn’t been little while the lads were over and he took a trip to the loo, nobody would’ve looked up when he came back into the room. Nobody would’ve spared him a second glance as he settled back into his old seat and refocused on the match at hand. Granted, this match was supposed to be one of the most anticipated of the season, and Louis doesn’t know if he’d look up even if people were breaking through his front door firing automatic weapons at him and the lads. For his own confidence, he’s going to equate it to the fact that his mates don’t look at him any differently than they did before tonight. It helps, too, that when he decides to snuggle back into the spot between Liam and the sofa, the man opened his arms and adjusted him until they were both comfortable with practiced ease.

Zain got up to offer another round of beer to everyone, and the pleading look Louis gives Harry really does pierce a hole through Harry’s heart. But the pair of them agreed, neither of them would be drinking tonight, and Harry knows how important it is to stick to the decisions they’ve previously made. Louis might not like it in the moment, but he will later on. It will give him a confidence in the things that Harry tells him, it’s reinforcing his word and letting know Louis can depend on everything he says, whether it be to Lou’s liking or not. Harry did, however, allow Louis to stay up a bit past his usual time to start getting ready for bed. It was normally around half eight that they turned off the telly and made their way to the kitchen to start making a bottle and relax into their bedtime routine, but when Lou asked so sweetly to be given until the end of the half to bid his mates goodbye and turn off the telly, Harry really couldn’t say no. Especially when Louis had made sure to point out that it wouldn’t be very fair of them to kick out the lads before the half and make them miss the crucial last few minutes of the first half. Harry conceded after only one programme break for adverts, and Louis moved from his spot on Liam’s sofa and made his way into Harry’s lap with a kiss.

There was only 90 seconds in stoppage time to be added to the clock, and within the next forty-five minutes, the lads were standing from their seats on the sofa and heading for the door.

“Thank you.” Louis was nervously saying as they Budung goodbyes, the three on their way out to their respective cars. “For coming out tonight. For everything, really. I- just thank you.”

“I’m really glad I did, Lou.” it was surprising to Harry to hear Liam say it, “I think I came into this with a wonky understanding of it all, and I’m glad I could see this is something that’s helping you.”

“It does.” Lou blushed as he accepted a hug from Li.

“I am too, glad I came.” Niall joined the hugging line, “can’t wait to do it with you again, buddy.”

“Oi, we can do it anytime you want. Free as a bird, me schedule.” Louis laughed, preening under all the attention.

He got a hug from Zain as well, and then they were all off to their cars, probably hoping to get to their respective places before the end of the half to finish the game in live time. As for Louis, though, Harry had been making a bottle for him shortly after the others left and soon had him laying in the man’s arms as he was rocked. And Harry had been asking him question after question, wanting to make sure Lou was still with everything that had happened and working himself into a proper worry about it.

“Daddy?” Louis asked after he spit out the nipple for a moment, “Can we talk about this when we’re settled into bed? Or maybe tomorrow? Just wanna drink my bottle and then teeth and tea and bed. I’m tired”

Harry had planned on protesting because if they didn’t talk about it now, it would take even more persuasion to have Louis open up about it later. But he did have a point, it had been a long day full of emotions and new experiences for the little and he was asking so, so nicely. Louis never wanted to drink his bottle, he was never in a rush to head off to bed. And the little probably was trying to avoid the conversation, but Harry decided to spare him this once. It had been a long day for the two of them, no doubt longer for Louis than it had been for Harry and if he wanted to have his bottle, brush his teeth, and drink his tea in self reflection, just this once, Harry thinks that maybe he deserves it.

And the next morning, when Harry was awoken to a finger poking up his nostril, he only pretended to be upset for a few seconds before tackling Lou and giving him a surprise visit from the tickle monster. Later, as they sat on the love seat in the lounge, the morning news playing uselessly in the background, Harry was bound and determined to get information from the little. It started out as easy questions, ones that could be answered in one or two words, a few that would open Louis up to the topic of talking about his feelings. ‘Did you have fun yesterday?’, 'What was your favourite game we played with the lads?’, 'Is what we did yesterday something that you’d like to keep doing in the future?’

And then Harry started introducing longer questions, one that required a bit of explanation with their answer. It took Lou a few minutes to really start answering what Harry was asking him, but after he wasn’t so concerned the questions were going to get him into any trouble, he elaborated. They talked about why he had gotten so upset with Zain calling him ‘bub’ and they talked about the kind of pet names Lou was okay with Harry calling him in front of others. Louis explained to Harry, as coherently as possible, why he was so afraid he was in trouble when he hadn’t had a wee in a while, and then they talked more and more. Louis was sure they’d exhausted all the possibilities of things they could talk about, but Harry seemed to have a reserved stash hidden up in his brain.

“Please, can we be done yet? It’s almost lunch time and I wanna play before I have to down for a nap, I haven’t done anything but talk to you this morning, I’m not tired.”

“Oi, you don’t like talking to me?”

“I do, Daddy, but about fun things. Like what we eaten for lunch and going outside to the playground, not talkin’ forever about things that’ve already happened.”

“We talk so much about them, sweetheart, because it’s important to. It’s important so everyone is on the same page with everything.”

“I know. It is important. But we should be done talking. I didn’t like it when Zain called me ‘bub’ the rest of the night was wonderful. I liked that we had dinner together, I appreciate that you let me stay up past my bed time, I thought I was in trouble for not using my nappy in front of the lads, but I understand now that you’re weren’t upset, you just wanted me to be comfortable and relax. You and Li had a row when I was in ‘a big bed because Li really cares about me, and he was makin’ sure we were taking proper care of me. But ‘im and you talked it out, you both want what’s best for me. Ni’s really nice. He’s tryin’ to give me loads and loads of support, I want to text him whenever I’m next allowed. Zain is nice, and he’s gonna be more sensitive to how sensitive I am when I’m little. It was a mistake and we’re all gonna learn from it. I gotta respect the lads, not like I do Daddy, but like I do to adults. They’re not the boss of me, but they deserve to be treated with authority. And that’s it. There’s nothing else to talk about, Daddy.”

Harry was impressed, the recap was extensive and completely true. There really wasn’t much more to talk about. “Alright. Are we going out to the swings today, or are we gonna play inside?” Harry asked, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

“Outside, please.”

“Okay, then. You need anything before we go?”

“No thank you, Daddy.”

“C’mon, then. We’ve only got an hour until lunch.”

Louis shot up from the sofa and was pulling Harry’s hand out the door with him in mere seconds. And Harry followed obediently. Far be it from him to get in the way of his little and regularly scheduled playtime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably going to be one more chapter in this story. Thank you in advance for the support. Y'all are so amazing.


	5. On The Road Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am aware it's been nearly half a year since I've posted the last chapter. Yes, I am aware the title of the chapter is hella fucking cheesy. Yes, I am aware I am rubbish.

Harry and Louis both thought it to be a terrible idea for Louis to start out this leg of the tour being little, especially with the initial traveling and getting their bearings again. They agreed Lou would wait. Wait until he felt that panic rising up from the pit of his stomach. The one that kept him up just a little too late at night. The one that kept him arguing just a spot too long with people for no apparent reason, or had him calling home a few extra times a week so he could check up on everything (so he could be checked up on, really).

The rest of the lads were waiting, Louis could sense it. In the mornings they would be overly accommodating towards him and H. They would wait just long enough until Louis cursed or said something overly cruel before daring to properly banter with him. And really, it's not that Lou didn't like to get the first go at the lads on an early morning, it's that he didn't want them to be treating him with kid gloves when he's not a kid. Even when he is little, he doesn’t want them to change who they are, it’s not what he had intended.

'You'll know, lads,' Louis had hold them in the beginning, when they outright asked him in hushed voices and over text messages. ‘I’ll send out in the email thread, if it’ll make you feel any better, promise."

Things with the luggage were easier than Lou had imagined, too. He and H kept a constant watch on their six bright green duffels and that was that. They were three weeks into the new leg of the tour and Louis was beginning to think all of their preparations were going to be for nothing. That all their planning and telling people incredibly personal information was going to be a waste because he wasn't even going to need it.  He felt that way until there was a problem with their bus. He heard people whispering about the engine, and he knows he's far from an expert in the subject, but apparently it was bad enough that they needed to take it to a mechanic and change busses. He doesn't even know where they are, just somewhere out in the west of The States and he knows they were scheduled to be driving through the night. He's been told to clear all his things from the bus because it's going in and it probably won't be coming back to them, depending on the damage done.

So he packed up his home away from home, pulled all the things that were wedged between the crap mattress and the wall, collected the stockpiles of tea from the cabinets of the kitchenette and was absolutely petrified that he had left something important behind. They were taken to a hotel and Louis hated every minute of it. There's people offering him tea and asking if he preferred one colour for his room over another. He just wants his bunk back. They're shuffled into rooms on the same floor and locked away for the  night, receiving a warning from Paul that there would be rather harsh consequences if someone were to try anything today. 'Please, lads, there's already enough for me to take care of,' Paul had begged when he handed them their respective room keys. Louis assured Paul not to worry about him tonight, told Paul he's tired and not in the mood for dicking around and causing terror tonight, and Paul looked particularly grateful when he heard it.

Louis was only in his room long enough to drop his bags a metre into the doorframe, pull the duvet back on the bed and displace enough items in the room to make it look used for one night. Louis has played this game before and he’s become a master at it. He carried two of their bright green bags with him and went to wrap on Harry's door.

'Hey babe,' Harry answered, mobile in hand and joggers already fitted on his bottom half. 'What're you plannin' on tonight?'

Louis didn't really know how to respond to the question, so his answer came in the form of him lifting the bag so it's more visible to Harry. And Harry wasn't quite sure how to respond, but he immediately pocketed his mobile and pulled the lad in. Stepping back a bit and shutting the door as soon as he realised what it could mean. Louis was pulled into a bone crushing hug and he's grateful for it in every single way possible.

'What do you need from me?" Harry settled on asking.

'I don't- I mean, I'm not completely sure, maybe just for a little bit? I don't know if I really need it," Lou stumbled.

'But you want it?'

'That’s not what I said!’ Louis, quick in his defense, pulled back from Harry’s arms and fixed a murderous glare on Harry.

Harry for his part, was careful. God forbid Louis was accused of feeling anything too close to wanting it. ‘Okay, then what are you saying to me?’

‘I just want to go back to my bus. Everything’s gonna be thrown off, we have a show in a few days. If I had you take me down it wouldn’t work. Being on stage while I’m little like that, everyone will know something’s up.’

‘Okay, sweetheart. So we don’t take you down for two weeks. That’s fine, love. You can be little for two or three days and we’ll have you back up for the show. It’s okay to need it, babe. It doesn’t have to be so permanent while we’re on the road, we both knew some things were going to have to be adjusted.’

‘So what, I’ll be little for a few days and you’ll bring me back up? The lads will know something is up, especially if they’re trapped here in the hotel, there’s no way they won’t know.’

‘Sweetheart, don’t you remember everything that we went through to make this happen? The others don’t mind, they’re all on board.’

‘What if they’re just sayin’ that? There’s no way they actually want it, H, no way.’

‘That’s not true, Lou. Li was a bit hesitant at first but he came round, Niall brought you a gift, for Christ’s sake, he wanted you to know that he’s here for whatever you need.’

‘I don’t recall getting one,’ there was venom in Louis’ words. ‘You may want to have a conversation with your precious Nialler. And I would appreciate it if you’d not lie to me anymore.’

‘Alright, love, simmer down a bit. I asked him not to give it to you in front of everyone else. Thought it may make them uncomfortable. He brought it on tour with us, if you’d like him to give it to you.’

‘Well if it’s meant for me, then yeah, I do want it.’

‘Next time you’re little we’ll have him give it to you, then. No need to be so fired up’

‘Why not now? If it’s meant for me me, let me have it!’

‘If he gives it to you now, Louis, you’d take the piss out of it when it’s intended to be a show of good faith, to show you that he’s on our side.’

‘No, if it’s for me then I want it.’

‘Louis,’ Harry scolded, ‘if you’re asking my permission, the answer is no, not yet. If you’re telling me you’re not little and you’re going to get it anyway, then go on. There’s nothing for us to be going back and forth about.’

Louis was silent. His top teeth biting harshly into his bottom lip, carefully deciding the words that were to be falling from his lips next.

‘What’s it going to be then?’ Harry asked, clearly testing the lad in front of him.

‘Fine, ’ Louis settled on, his head drawn to the patterns in the carpeting. ‘Where would you like me?’

A reassuring smile made it’s way across Harry’s face as he could see Louis tensing and relaxing over the words he’d just spoken, ‘Go on and lay on the bed, mobile in the drawer.’ there was a glint of fight in Lou’s eyes and Harry tried to qualm it presently by taking his own mobile from the pocket of his trousers. ‘Take mine and put it there too, love. I want for us to talk some more things over without them being a distraction. I’ll be right there, love, just need a stop in the loo.’ There was a small nod from Louis before he shuffled off to the bed.

It took them hours to discuss everything. They both had reservations, they were both nervous, neither of them had experience doing this round people. They had been through it all before, spent countless hours over countless cups of tea discussing the matter in great detail, but now it’s real. Now it seemed a lot more complex, with a lot more consequences if things don’t go exactly as planned now that they’re taking it out of the second bedroom to the right at the top of the stairs. Now it’s _really_ happening, now that they’re in a hotel room in a foreign country and other people are going to be around them while Louis is little, it suddenly feels like they’re massively underprepared for what they’re planning on doing. Their voices were raised a few times but they were determined to get through  it. Harry would do anything to qualm Louis’ fears over this, he’d talk through everything backwards and forwards twice if that’s what was asked of him. He’d do anything but force Lou into this, that’d be a sure fire recipe for disaster.

‘No one on the crew gets to know. The other lads and Paul, that’s it.’ Lou clarified yet again.

‘No one. We’ve told everyone that needs to know no one is to speak of it further.‘ Harry assured.

‘And I get to dress myself?’

‘Not quite, love. I’ll give you a few options and you can choose which of them you’d like. And I’m not gonna send you out there in a pair of skinny jeans when you’re wearing a nappy.’

‘I want to dress meself.’

‘I can give you options. For when we’re on the bus or like, just hanging round with the lads. Nobody is talking of sending you off in a sleeper or anythin’.’

‘I want a final word, Harry, please.’

‘You can, Lou. I’ll give you options and you can pick from them. And if you’re really in pieces about the options I give you, then you tell me there’s a problem and we will work it out, just like we always do.’

‘That’s not good enough for me, Harry.’ Louis had stood and started pacing round the perimeter of the bed, ‘I’m sorry, and I know that this is what we agreed on before but it’s different now. The only way I’m going to be able to go down is to know that I can change what I need to in situations. And I have my safeword, I know that, but I need to have more autonomy, I need more of a say. At least for now.’

‘Things are bound to be different than what we discussed, we knew that. What would change, though? It’d be no different from now, would it?’

‘Everything would be different, H. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I need you to trust me enough to only say no when it’s really important to me.’ A pause, before ‘And ‘m not saying you don’t trust me, I swear on a lot of things, that’s not what I’m trying to say, but H it’s different. I need to know that I can put a stop to certain things without calling the whole thing off. Please, I need this.’

‘Okay.’

‘I won’t abuse it or anything, I promise, promise, promise.’

‘Lou, I said yes.’

‘If you just-’ A pause. ‘You- Yes?’

‘If that’s what you need from me, then that’s what we’re going to have to do. If you trust me, then I trust you.’

It wasn’t that it really surprised Louis, but he- Well, it's just that Harry is a bit strict when adhering to what they’ve agreed on before. But Louis supposes that this technically is ‘before’ and circumstances are a little different than they imagined. That being said, Louis wasn’t going to argue in any way about it. In the end, they've all agreed to this for a reason, and he finds that it would be an undue inconvenience to everyone if he didn't take advantage of what he had worked so hard to set up. At least, that what he needed to justify it as; admitting outright that he wanted such a thing would never do.

'Go on and have a bit on your mobile, yeah? I'm going to get some things for us for tonight.' Harry had offered, knowing Louis would prefer to have some time to come to terms with what he'd just asked for alone. 'I'm thinking we could give you a bath when I come back, ease into it. Not too quickly, a few rules to start out with and go deeper until you're happy with where you're at. How does that sound to you, love?'

'Yeah.'

'Okay then, I'll be back in twenty minutes,' H paused mid stride on his way to the door, 'is that enough?’

'Probably, maybe?’ A pause, then, ‘what if it's not?'

'Then I'll wait until you’re ready. Wherever, however long. Okay?'

'Right. Yeah, yeah okay.'

Harry left a kiss on his forehead before continuing on to the door and silently slipping out. He ordered them food from the restaurant downstairs and left instructions with Paul and the kind young woman who took his order to leave it outside his door; and he tried to make some sort of plan for the evening, whatever was left after Harry got him out of the bath and into a nappy. Louis, on the other hand, didn't want to think about later on that night. He wanted to get rid of the notification numbers connected to the email app on his mobile, and he wanted to scroll down his dash on tumblr, his feed twitter and facebook, in that order. He needs to stop pretending that things aren’t changing, he doesn’t have enough time to prattle about on his social media accounts and not come to terms with what he and H just agreed on. Twenty minutes, that's all he's been allowed, and while he truly does believe Harry would give him more time if he needed it, Louis doesn't want to take it. He decides to text Lots, figures she'd hear from someone who'd heard from someone that their bus broke down and he'd rather text her and she can deal with everyone else asking about it.

He's pacing the room when Harry get's back. H had somehow managed to catch q spare of Louis' room key and he's holding another two of their bright green duffels. For a moment, Louis is afraid that he's left something important in his room and Harry could possibly be disappointed in him, but he decides to scrap that because Harry wouldn't look down at the floor and wait for Louis to address him if there were a problem with his behaviour. His hands were being twisted, knuckles being bent and pulled to their limits, Louis was sure he'd burn a hole in the floor if he'd been allowed to pace any longer when H clears his throat.

'Do you need more time, love? I can occupy myself for a few more minutes if you need it.'

'No, not if- if you're ready, then I'm ready. If you need more time to do anything, I can wait.'

'I'm gonna go and start your bath water, yeah? I'll give you a minute to finish anything else, I’ll be expecting you in the next ten minutes. Mobile in the drawer until you’re big again, understood?'

A nod came from Louis, but before Harry could correct his behaviour, Louis righted himself. 'Yes, 'm sorry. Yes, Pa, I understand.'

'Good boy, Lou,. I know this is strange, but you’re being such a lovely boy you're being for Pa.' Harry didn't get a response in the following beats, so he dismissed himself. 'Okay, love, I'll see you in ten.'

He left another kiss on Lou's forehead before making his way to the loo, taking two of the three duffels with him. Once there, he turned the knob for the bath to warm water. Not hot enough to scold the poor lad, but hot enough to make his muscles sting for a few seconds. To take his mind off everything else for at least a few seconds, to make him focus on relaxing his muscles into the heat and concentrate on not binging his limbs from the simmering water. Louis showed up as Harry was pouring the bath salts in, lavender, they had decided together - because it's a calming scent. Louis was there wrapping lightly on the door in eight minutes and pushing on the door and opening it slowly. Harry smiled at him and waved him, and Louis took it upon himself to use the toilet one last time before stepping into to the tub, hissing at the sudden heat.

'That alright, love?'

'Hot.'

'Yeah? Too hot, or good hot?'

'Good hot. You gettin' in with me?'

'If you want, yeah, I can do that.'

A small nod came and H gave a small hum before standing and disrobing, joining the other lad in the tub. It was nice, Louis had to admit. The way their entire world slowed for a bit, it felt like it was just him and Harry in the tub, cuddling and enjoying each other's bodies against one another. Eventually, though, the water grew cold and Harry had to get on washing Lou's body and getting them out before they were sitting in freezing water.

'I'd like to put you in a nappy, babe, if you find it agreeable.' Harry suggested as he was wrapped a towel around his waist and got to work on drying Lou's body with another.

'I, yeah? If that's what you want.'

'What I think you need, babe.'

'Yeah,' Louis agreed, though he sounded hesitant and he won't push Louis  too far too quickly. ‘If you, yeah.’

'We can wait a few minutes, babe. Let's get some lotion on you and then we can decide, yeah?' Harry got a stiff nod in response and nothing else. 'Why don't you go lay down on the bed. I'm gonna clean up the bath and pull some things out of your bag, I'll be along soon.'

It felt like more than the ten minutes it took for Harry to get to him. The seconds that ticked by felt almost like hours as he laid himself down. He had taken the liberty of unpacking his blanket along with Bonbon on the way, and he was glad he did. When he wrapped himself up in the blanket and snuggled close to his Bonbon with his blankie around his shoulders, he could feel himself slipping, falling deeper into it. He startled a bit when Harry emerged from the loo, the light flicking on suddenly.

'Sorry, love. Didn't mean to scare you. You ready for some lotion?'

'It's 'kay. I get out from the covers now?'

'Yeah, if you can manage. Promise it won't take long.'

'No, is okay.' Louis agreed, pulling his limbs from underneath the duvet one by one, making sure to keep hold of Bonbon, 'I keep 'im?'

'Course you can, love. I didn't see you unpack Bonbon. He travel okay in the duffle?'

'Is okay that I took him out.'

'More than okay, love.'

'Bub?' Louis asked, his cheeks flashing a furious shade of pink suddenly and his eyes finding a tangle in Bonbon's fur to comb out, 'I be bub yet?'

'Always my bub,' Harry answered, landing a kiss on Lou's forehead before continuing on with the rest of the lotion.

When it came time to decide on the nappy, Louis was still a bit hesitant, but Harry pushed for it. His plan for the rest of the night was a pair of long johns and a sleep shirt, a little bit of the dinner he ordered for them,  bottle, brushing teeth, story and bed. And Harry admits that maybe he should've kept to their normal schedule when it came to getting ready for bed, but he knows that Louis wouldn't have fallen into it so easily if he hadn't been eased in with a bath first. Harry had tucked Lou between the tabs of a nappy not much past half ten and resettled beneath the duvet with his thumb in his mouth and Bonbon pulled close to his body. Louis didn’t seem very hungry as Harry tried to get some dinner into him, Louis only eating the absolute minimum that Harry allowed. It came as a surprise to the little when H had started to make his bottle, and he made it known. He wasn’t little enough to need one, he argued, he’d eaten like he was big all day and he didn’t need any formula.

‘You are well and truly little now. I’m already doing you a favour now by only making 4 ounces tonight. Don’t make me rethink it.’ Harry had scolded after several of Lou’s attempts to get out of it. Gentle denials don’t always work on Lou’s way down, sometimes Harry needed a firm and final answer.

Louis didn’t really have it in him to fight back much. Harry was right, and he kinda wanted the comfort of it right now. He wanted Daddy to hold him, wanted to be propped up against the headboard with the rubber teat encouraged between his lips, Harry stroking his hair down neatly and encouraging him. He craved that routine. He wanted bottle, brush teeth, and though they did the bath out of order he’ll be okay. He wanted tea and bed.

Harry was gracious enough to offer it to him. Complete with a few light swats on Louis’ bum when he was being particularly disagreeable. ‘Bub’ was quickly being integrated into Harry’s words towards Louis, and Harry noticed the word ‘Daddy’ slip out of Louis a few times. He didn’t call attention to it yet, is was quite clear Louis didn’t completely realise he was doing yet.

The morning was different, a bit. Louis woke up once in the night, begging Harry to allow him to use the toilet, ‘I’m not little enough to use my nappy yet.’ Louis had argued so adamantly, but Harry still refused the lad. It took twenty minutes before Louis decided to go back to sleep instead of dealing with the problem at hand. Harry disagreed entirely, but there’s only so much Harry could withstand before he helped the boy fall back asleep and rubbed circles into his back. They were up for the day near 8.30, Louis sobbing because he’d succumb to relieving himself accidentally in the night, the fallout was tragic.

Harry had him changed quickly, thought. Taking the evidence away from him and finding Bonbon for him to cuddle the discontent away. There was a knock at the door when Harry had the boy fitted between his arms giving a bottle, and Louis panicked. The contented sighs of air stopped in an instant, the relaxing weight of Louis laying in Harry’s lap gone in a second. Lou tore off to the loo before Harry could get a word in edgewise, but the knock came louder accompanied with the shouting of his name and there wasn’t really anything he could do with an angry Paul on the other side of his door.

‘It’s bloody 9 am. What Paul?’ Harry scorned as he opened the door.

‘Where is he?’

‘Who?’

‘You know who, mate. Where did Louis go last night? He told me he wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere and I bloody believed him!’

‘As you should’ve, Paul. He’s here.’

‘He’s not in his room.’

‘Bleeding idiot. Course he’s not in his room, he’s in mine. You do know he’s my boyfriend, don’t you?’

‘Cheeky. I want to see him. I need to start tracking him down now if he’s gone, start damage control.’

‘He’s in the loo.’

‘I’ll wait.’

‘Not bloody likely, Paul. He’s here, I swear to it. Let it be.’

‘Harry, now.’ Paul tried to push his way in and Harry was quick to brace the back of the door.

Towards the direction of the door to the toilet, Harry’s voice raised slightly. ‘Louis, babe, can you tell Paul you’re in there,love.’ The two were met with silence and Harry was a bit desperate because Paul very well could and probably would push past Harry and have a look for himself soon. ‘Please, bub, just give him a little shout to satisfy him and then he’ll be on his way.

‘Yeah, I’m ‘ere.’ Louis called hesitantly through the door.

‘Happy, ya twat?’ Harry’s voice lowered and eyebrows lifted in questioning.

‘A warning would’ve been nice. A text last night would’ve eliminated the need for this.’

‘We’ll be feed and ready for the new bus or whatever in an hour. Goodbye, Paul’ Harry leveled and stepped back, intending to close the door on Paul.

There was a hand stopping the door, though, and Paul started talking. ‘Change of plans, we’re staying ‘ere for another day and flyin’ to the next location tomorrow. Day for yerselves today. Let me know where you’re going, I’ll arrange transportation.’

‘We’re staying in, Louis and I. Probably holled up in the room for the entire day.’ Harry paused for a moment before, ‘Paul, I’m telling you this as a favour, and I hope you heed it. Knock on the door and don’t come bursting in. Do you remember what Lou and I talked about with the green duffles? They’re being put to use today and Louis and I would appreciate a bit of space today. Privacy too.’

To his credit, Paul remained mostly stoic. His only tell was the way he spoke, ‘Oh. Yes, right, of course. I’ll pass it along to Paddy, that you’re not to be disturbed. Just- Harry, for my job security if for nothing else, no marks.’

‘It’s nothing of the sort, Paul. I’ll let you know if plans change, yes?’

‘Right, thank you.’

Harry nodded and closed the door, then. It was mere seconds later when the door to the loo opened, tears in Louis’ eyes as he berated Harry about telling the entire world that he was wearing a nappy. Harry, as his response, simply picked his boy up and brought him back to bed, stopping to retrieve his bottle, and curled the two of them onto the bed. Harry spoke nothings to his boy, pulling Louis’ hair gently through his fingers, and tracing lace patterns on his back. Louis didn’t want to like it, but that didn’t keep him from it. The patterns felt like Harry was passing a calm from his own body straight into Louis’ via fingertips. The traces in his hair lulled the racing thoughts in his brain as Harry promised that none of the sort had happened. Paul was on their side, Paul was a good man.

Louis went to brush his teeth while Harry stated in bed, ordering their breakfast. They discussed telling the other lads over breakfast, and Louis didn’t like the idea of it. He didn’t want them to treat him differently. He didn’t want his present from Niall anymore, he didn’t want anyone apart from them to know what was happening. Harry wasn’t on board. They didn’t go through everything they had to keep it from them.

‘Louis, it will be good. To just be around them, I’ll be right there. We’ve done so much to make this happen, why shouldn’t we take advantage of it.’

‘They’ll be cruel.’

‘No they won’t.’

‘No thank you, please. Not yet, at least.’

‘Can we at least go see Nialler? He’s been carryin’ round your gift for a while and I think it would be good for you. He wants to help you, love. He wants to be there for you and now is the perfect time.’

‘No.’

‘Yes.’ Harry answered, lifting Louis’ chin gently to look him in the eyes. ‘We’re going to see him in an hour. And I’ll do anything you need me to in the next hour to help you through this, I’m here for you, bub. I promise, just Nialler for right now, nobody else has to know, but he’s done so much to prove to us that he’s here for us, and I think it would be kind to show him we trust him, love.’

‘Please, Daddy.’

Harry knew his boy was on the verge of tears and he hated this part. He hated that he was constantly the bad guy. He hated that Louis couldn’t see that it was what he needed, he hated that his boy probably felt like he was being pushed too far, that Daddy was being unnecessarily cruel towards him, but it was what had to be done. He would take it any day, though, because Harry knows full well that Louis wasn’t going to be broken by this. He knew that at the end of today, Louis would be happy and content because Harry had broken down his walls just enough that he could really settle into his skin. His mind would be calmer at the end of this, because Harry was making decisions for him and following through with them. Daddy was in control, whether Louis liked the decisions he made or not, Daddy was taking care of it for him.

 

‘Nothing.’ Louis answered begrudgingly. ‘I don’t need anything from you.’

 

‘Okay.’ Harry answered, understanding what he was asking his boy to do on such short notice, ‘If you need anything, sweetheart, tell me. Anything, and I can help you through it, bub.’

They spent the next hour in close proximity to each other, but not speaking much. Louis started crying for a bit, when he realised Harry really was going to follow through with this. Then he paced. Back and forth, in the path that he had cleared from the night before. From the window across the floor throught the small lounge area and to the door and then back. It wasn’t long before Harry found it best to busy himself. He took to pulling out a few outfit choices for Louis to choose between, found a few emails to reply to and texted Niall. Harry was grateful the blond had not yet made any plans for the day, saying that he was just lounging round until half two and to stop by anytime before. He had asked if there was something going on, but Harry decided to let Louis tell him in person - it’s not for Harry to be announcing to everyone. Louis became clingy ten minutes before they were said to leave. Clingy to the point where he asked Daddy to dress him (after a nappy change that wasn’t exactly needed, but Harry wanted to remind the little it was there and was to be used), and held on tight to his hand as they gathered a few things in preparation to leave.

Niall was staying three doors down. The walk, however felt as though it were 3 kilometers long. Niall answered the door, unlatching the hinge and walking back inside, effectively inviting them the rest of the way into the suite. It was pretty tidy, his chest still closed and the only thing open a small toiletries bag resting on top. ‘I imagined you two would be spending the day fuckin’. What on earth could I do for ya?’

Louis choked on the intake of air, Harry was kind enough to pat him on the back and answer. ‘Ni, use some common sense there.’ Harry laughed, ‘Have you been keeping that gift for Lou in ‘ere or is it somewhere else.’

‘Nah, it’s in me trunk.’ Niall answered, but he hadn’t seemed to catch on to what Harry was suggesting by bringing it up.

‘Well, I figured that maybe Lou would like some toys to play with today. We’re plannin’ on staying in for the day, and I doubt he brought enough to keep himself occupied.’

‘Oh, yeah. You mean- Erm, yeah, sure.’ Niall turned a bit pink as he turned to Lou,  ‘Hey mate, you alright?’

A nod was Lou’s response, but not much more was granted.

‘Okay, yeah. Well, it’s not much, love. Just like, something little. I want to be ‘ere for ya if you need anything,’ he paused for a bit, as he was rooting round in his trunk, throwing shirts, and pants and whatever else he came across to the floor without caution and emerging victorious with a battered and poorly wrapped parcel. ‘Think of me as the cool uncle, yeah? Theo loves me, always showin’ up with prezzies, I am.’

Louis looked to Harry, silent eyes begging to be allowed to leave, but Harry gave a single shake of his head, no. ‘What do you say to Nialler, love?’

‘Ta.’ Louis answered dutifully as he half heartedly tore back the paper.

‘If you want, I could get something else if you don’t like it. Is Janga not your thing? I’m sure there’s got to be a toy store somewhere round here. I can find a car and pick you up something else. Just sit tight and I’ll be back.’

‘No, I-’ there were a few tears, and Harry cringed as he pet a hand down Lou’s back. It was his bloody fault for pushing Lou to do this. ‘They’re not bad tears. I- please don’t- Thank you, mate. I’m sorry, swear it’s, good tears. Promise.’

‘Hey now, no cryin’ when the fun uncle is here, Lou.’ Niall encouraged, leaning down to rest his own hand on Louis’ shoulder and rubbing gently, ‘should we open these up and play a few games? Or are you lads due somewhere else?’

 

An eye on Daddy and the other on Niall, Louis answered slowly. ‘We, erm, I- it’s just-’

‘Sorry, Ni,’ Harry stepped in, ‘we’ve a bit of a schedule to stick to. Just popped over for a visit, but maybe later, yeah?’

‘Yeah, sure.’ Niall answered, ‘you know how much I’m okay with this, don’t you Lou? Let me know if you need anythin’ and I’ll do my best to make it happen, yeah?’

‘Ta,’ Louis answered, and it may have seemed a bit short and insincere, but Louis didn’t mean for it to come across that way. ‘I erm- thank you, uncle Ni. Uncle Ni? O God. Is that weird? That was weird, wasn’t it? ‘M sorry.’

‘No, no! Don’t be sorry, love.’ Niall answered immediately, patting the lad on the back gently, ‘it’s not weird, promise. Uncle Ni is okay with me.’

Louis wasn’t nearly as upset Harry had imagined he’d be when they got back to the room. Instead of having a remark for everything Harry said to him, Louis for the most part was subdued and had little back chatting in store for Harry. They had their lunch in almost silence, Harry only forsaking the quietness to ask Louis to eat more peas, ask him if he wanted water or juice with his mash, or if he wanted Harry to cut his chicken. Louis’ answer to all the questions was a silent shake of his head. Harry was a bit deterred by this, but it happens sometimes, if Louis goes deep into his little space too quickly - and he’s been sure to tell Harry that it’s not a bad experience when this happens, he just feels a bit insecure and like unusually shy.

‘Alright, love. Do you need anything from me before you have a bit of a nap, Lou?’ Harry had asked after he’d changed Louis’ nappy and wiped down his face from lunch.

‘Stay, please?

‘I’m not going anywhere, bub. Daddy’s just gonna be on the sofa, gonna mess about on the laptop.’

‘No, stay. Take nap, too, wit me, Daddy.’ Louis clarified.

And Harry usually didn’t nap with Louis because it was time for Louis to have to himself, but it wasn’t as if he could deny his little boy the comfort of falling asleep with his Daddy next to him, with a sigh, he answered: ‘Yeah, bub, I can nap with you. But you don’t get out of bed until Daddy is awake, understood? This is like getting to nap in our big bed at home.’

‘I wait for Daddy to come get me.’

‘Good lad.’ Harry answered with a kiss to Lou’s forehead. ‘Wake me up if you need anything, yeah? Daddy would be ‘appy to get anything you need for you.’

‘Kay, Daddy.’ Louis answered at the end of a yawn and pulled his blankie closer with Bonbon snuggled close to his chest and closed his eyes.

When the two woke up to Harry’s alarm, Louis was different. Further into his headspace, but almost as if he was embarrassed to be. There wasn’t a lot of speaking on his end, and all of Harry’s questions were answered with nods and shakes of his head or a shrug of his shoulders, and when Harry absolutely demanded a verbal answer, simple syllables were the only thing answered.

‘How’s my baby boy doing?’ Harry had asked when they were stretching out their limbs after waking up.

A nod, a silent ‘good’ implied.

‘Do you need a change, love?’

His chestnut coloured fringe falling a bit into his eyes as he shook his head to say ‘no’.

‘You okay, love?’

A nod, yes.

‘Can you use your words for me, baby? I know you’re feeling small and that’s okay, but I want to hear you use your words, please.’

‘I okay.’

‘Can I do anything for you, love?’

‘No.’

‘Okay, love.’ Harry offered with a discontented sigh. ‘Why don’t you play for a bit. Those legos that Nialler got for you look pretty cool, don’t they?'

A nod.

‘Alright, love.’ Harry had succumb to the fact that Louis didn’t want to talk. He was being shy and he needed some space to figure this transition out in his head before he could fall into the exuberant little lad that he was ‘You be sure to tell Daddy if you need anything, Princess?’

Louis preened under the pet name, his cheeks blossoming a rosy shade of pink under Daddy’s watchful eye. ‘I tell Daddy.’

Harry lead them to the lounge, then, grabbing the lego set on the way and arranging himself on the floor. Louis, although to Harry’s surprise, sat down in his lap - relaxing into the shell that Harry provided and opened the packaging gently. They were the jumbo legos, the one that you could imagine two year olds playing with in nursery school, and Louis was enthralled with them. The red and blue, yellow and green were starting to make patterns as Louis built some sort of tower. It was branched out about halfway up the stack, and what looked to be a catwalk was formed in order to connect the two towers together. Louis held it up to Harry a few times, his eyebrows raised and a beautiful smile gracing his his lips, seeking Daddy’s approval. Harry nodded obediently when Louis held it up, telling the lad how wonderful it was, asking the little to describe it, to talk about what he had created. Louis, for the most part turned back round and said he wasn’t done yet and Harry didn’t really have the heart to pull words from his boy in those moments, Lou looked so happy and settled in his head.

Once, though, Louis looked up with desperate look on his face, silent tears already fallen down his cheeks, ‘Daddy?’

‘You’re okay, baby. What can Daddy do for you, huh? You’re okay.’

‘Poo,’ the one word was enough to explain everything, and Harry felt his heart sink for his boy.

‘Good, love. Daddy’s so proud of you. My perfect, good, little boy.’ Harry praised, his hands massaging the boy’s shoulders. ‘Answer Daddy one thing for me bub. Should Daddy stay or go?’

‘Please, Daddy. Stay, please stay.’ Louis sobbed, his eyes releasing a fresh wave of tears.

‘Okay then, love. Daddy’s not gonna leave you. Let’s- Do you wanna have a snuggle together on the sofa? Daddy can rub your tummy if you’d like me to. And when you’re all done, we’ll get you changed and have a bit of dinner. How does that sound, huh bub?’

‘Yeah, please.’

‘Okay. Such a good boy telling Daddy. Such a perfect boy you’re being for me today, bub. Daddy’s so proud of you.’

‘Daddy proud of his bub.’ Louis repeated as they made their way to the sofa.

It took Louis forty five minutes to be done. The first time of each cycle was an exhausting process, not only physically, but mentally, too. Sure, there were mental barriers to break when Louis had a wee in the nappy, but there were so many more that were associated with having a poo and Harry knows that. They go through it together every time, though because Harry couldn’t even begin to imagine how Louis feels when he’s going through it and Harry would rather snip his vocal chords then let Louis go through it alone. So they laid there on the sofa for close to an hour as Louis sobbed openly and Harry rubbed circles on his tummy and sang him lullabies. They did a few breathing exercises together when Louis got too worked up, and Harry got the lad a bottle because he was convinced Louis would be dehydrated from all his crying if he didn’t keep his hydration up.

Changing Lou’s nappy came with a whole another wave of tears and Harry would do anything to put the smile that Louis was wearing a few hours ago back onto his face. Louis’ blankie was shielding his face and he was completely bashful with every syllable that came out of his mouth. Louis was well and truly into his headspace, though, and Harry knew it when the little fit his thumb between his lips. And really, he wishes he could spare his boy the moments between his adult mindset and little headspace, because it is always so brutal for Louis. But Harry knows he can’t do that, what he can do, though, is comfort his boy through it. He can use soft words and say sorry for the wipes being cold because they don’t have a wipe warmer with them. He can tell Louis how good he’s doing, how proud Harry is of them. He can finish quickly as possible, and give his boy a few cheerios to hold him over until their dinner arrives.

While they were waiting on dinner to get there, Louis had mostly calmed down. His tears had stopped falling out like tsunami waves and his hiccups had stopped completely. He was laying down on the sofa, his eyes closed with his green blankie rubbing across his lips in a slow, comforting motion and Harry doesn’t think he’s seen Louis be at such peace before. He would do anything to keep it that way. For Louis to permanently have his thumb tucked gently between his lips and a gentle smile gracing his features. Harry would give his own blood, he’s quite certain, if he was promised Louis would never lose the calm he can sense in the cerulean of his eyes. There’s a knock on the door then, and for a moment, it feels as if the room were spinning to Louis. Harry knows it’s not their dinner because it wasn’t followed by the hotel staff announcing it and Louis has a suspicion that Paul was too afraid of walking in on something to be stopping by without letting them know at least an hour ahead of time via a text message, email and maybe smoke signals just to make sure.

‘Go lay on the bed for me baby.’ Harry told him softly, ‘I’ll be along in a few seconds.’

Louis just nodded his head, dumbfounded and feeling something like terrified. Harry gave him a kiss on the forehead before going to the door and looking through the peephole. He waited until Louis proper into the bed, his body laid under the cover of the duvet with his blankie and Bonbon hidden from view too. He had suspected Niall had told the rest of the lot what had happened earlier, he really didn’t expect Zain to be at the door.

‘Zain, mate, what can I do for you?’

‘Nah, here to see Lou. I stopped by his room and he didn’t answer, figured he’d be here with you.’

‘Right, erm yeah. He’s here.’ Harry answered, closing the door just a bit more.

‘Gonna let me in or, ’

‘He’s, I’ll be honest mate, it’s a bit difficult, I can’t-’

‘Yeah mate,’ Louis said, walking through the lounge to the door.

‘I’ve made some arrangements today, was on my way to pick up some bud. Was wondering if you wanted to come smoke up with me, Louis.'

‘No!’ Harry exclaimed, the door on it’s way to being slammed shut, ‘That’s not happening, Louis, back to bed. Now.’

‘Damn, mate,’ Zain keeping the door open and wedging his way further inside, ‘I fuckin’ asked Louis, mate. Didn’t know you’re his full time gate keeper now.’

‘Oh piss off.’ Harry scoffed out of instinct, immediately regretting cursing in front of Louis, ‘Louis, sweetheart, go back to bed, please.’

‘It’s okay.’ Louis answered, laying his hand on H’s shoulder and opening the door just a bit. ‘No, Zee, not in the mood to smoke up. I, erm, y’know how- like, before we came back on tour how H and I had you over, and like, we explained what happens sometimes? Like how I am little sometimes. Cause it’s, well, like right now I’m little? Am I making sense?’

‘Christ. He is your full time gatekeeper right now, isn’t he?’ Zain asked

‘Yeah, mate, I am.’ Harry stepped in, putting his body between Louis and Zain. ‘So no, he’s not interested.

‘Alright, fair play. Sorry to’ve asked, or whatever.’

‘Hey Zee?’ Louis asked, his head fitting on top of Harry’s shoulder, ‘You wanna, tomorrow cause it’s a travel day, we could do something together? Like, you can draw with me or summat. Your’s will look loads better than mine, but like, just spend some time together, yeah?’

‘Yeah, babe.’ Zain’s eyes suddenly turning from a hard glare to mush as he looked to Lou. ‘Sounds like the best way to spend the aeroplane ride, yeah? Drawing and sleep?’

‘Yeah.’ Louis agreed.

‘Be safe, please, Zee.’ Harry added in, feeling a bit bad for how prickly he’d been when Louis obviously hand no intentions of going with the other lad.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Zain agreed, his back already turned and on his way to the lifts at the end of the hall. ‘It’s all been arranged, nothing to worry ‘bout, mate.’

The rest of the night passed in phases: good one moment and bad the next; Louis was happy and then suddenly distraught. They’ve each seen the film that played in the background on the telly at least three times, but it’s good background noise when Louis doesn’t want to talk, it’s comforting when nothing feels right in his mind. When Harry’s arms suddenly don’t feel like it’s where he belongs. It’s a rom-com, and a perfect cover when he feels a little weepy, but also distracting enough to make him laugh a few times. It’s an excuse to curl up on the sofa and have Harry feed him his dinner, and it he doesn’t entirely mind it when a bottle of formula is settled between his lips. Harry doesn’t push him to drink it quickly, and Louis really does appreciates how wonderful and consistent and patient Harry’s been. It’s not fair, for either of them, it’s not what Louis imagined his life would be like, but Louis doesn’t think he minds it. He doesn’t know how much of it that Harry understands, how or why he needs to do this, but sometimes he can see a knowing look on Harry’s face. Like Daddy knows exactly what he’s thinking and feeling in real time.

It can sometimes freak Harry out, how he can take one look at Louis’ face after he’s tripped over his own feet and know if he’s going to shrug it off or cry. He knows when Louis needs some time to himself after they’ve had a difficult day, or if he wants to sit on the sofa and cuddle and watch a movie to mask the crying that he needs to release. If he needs a new nappy by the way he walks, if he needs an extra twenty minutes for a nap, or that’s only going to make him all the more cranky. There’s a subconscious wavelength, he believes sometimes, that ties their thoughts into the same frequency. He sounds like a madman, sometimes, he knows; a mad man or a complete sap. But that’s okay with him. As long as Louis is happy and satisfied and doesn’t feel like he’s going to drive himself off the rails at a moment’s notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the hits; or the comments and Koodos if you enjoyed. Thank you so much to the people who have constantly supported my works. It means more to me than you will ever know and I know I am pants at updating regularly, but the love has been incredible.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, as well as the comments and kudos if you liked! Again, I don't have personal experience in this, please do tell me if there is anything that needs to be fixed. Thank you, thank you.


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